What’s new

Release notes

Every update to Panda Count, newest first.

1. November 6, 2026

   Curtain calls, a stage for the winner, and phone controls that give you the globe

   • 🎉 Winning a battle now gets a curtain call: the camera sweeps low round your victors as they dance and flex, confetti pops, and your pennant thunks into the ground. Lose, and you see your fallen, stars circling, before the other side's party. Your result slides up from the bottom, so the scene stays live above it, and replays end the same way.
   • 🪙 Every company now stands on a glossy collector base with its own moulded emblem. Bases thump down in a puff of dust, crack as troops fall, hop along behind a charging company and spin away like a dropped coin when it's routed, and your chosen company stands on a slowly turning plinth. Knocked-out heroes land facing you with swirly eyes and birds circling above their heads, and tapping an enemy you can see pokes it. Three quick pokes put an anger mark on its head and shoot steam from its ears.
   • 🏆 Games now end on a stage: the top three rise on plinths, and only when the lights drop do you learn who won, with the winner in the spotlight and confetti falling. Award cards flip in for most regions, biggest battle, most immolated and war criminal of the year, and you can share a picture of the result with one tap.
   • 📱 On phones the controls now sit in a chunky plum shelf and tray, so you see far more of the globe. When something needs you, the Actions tab lights up; tap or swipe it and the panel springs up with Attack, Move troops, Build and Recruit right there. Moving troops gives the map most of the screen, and the turn chip tells you how many regions you hold. On a sideways phone, End turn and Capital are clear to tap.
   • 🔢 Each hex now shows one big troop dial set into its front rim. It rolls to a new number with a soft clack, flashing green for a gain and dark for a loss, and stays readable from all the way out in orbit, dimming on the night side. The dice number is now a small die, so you won't mistake it for your army.
   • 👆 The board answers your hand better: a double tap on a phone really dives in, landings thump visibly from map height, a tapped hex stays clear of the buttons, and the birds finally look like birds.
   • 🧸 The hall's stage is clear: chat is a little speech bubble at the bottom, your tools sit in one slim dock, and your panda stays in view above them when the panel is open. The first time you visit, a town crier in a red hat comes over, rings a big brass bell and tells you how to get about, then bows, and your panda bows back.
   • 🏮 The night market glows: lanterns flare gold as they catch at dusk and throw their own soft pools on the cobbles. A hard skid kicks up little clouds of dust at your feet, townsfolk give you room, and their speech bubbles stay off your head.
   • 🌍 Pull out to orbit for a soft golden sunset across the land, a darker night with city lights, and clouds drifting over land and sea, always clear of the hexes. On phones, the far view has richer land and smoother coasts.
   • 🎲 Shake your dice and they smoulder deep red with amber pips, and they're twice the size in your hand on a phone. Each die kicks up its own chalk dust when it lands, your total pops up bold beside them, and a 7 hangs there trembling with its ogre. Regions you light flare with white-gold stars, and only regions someone holds flash.

2. November 4, 2026

   Toys you can poke, a night sky round the globe, and dice that heat up in your hand

   • 🌀 Poke the toys on the battlefield and they squish with a little comic pop. Poke one three times and it gets cross and puffs steam. Knocked-out heroes now get big swirly eyes and tweeting birds, and a glossy little ghost floats up off their heads. The selection gem is bigger and glossier, with a soft halo behind it.
   • 🌍 Pull right out and the globe floats in a deep night sky: the sun sets across the world in a golden glow, the night side darkens with warm knots of city lights, and chunky cotton-ball clouds drift in little families, peach at dusk and moonlit after dark.
   • 👆 The map answers your touch. Hexes lift under your mouse and squash when you press them. Dropped armies land with a thud and a puff of dust, then the camera brings them into view. Zooming past the limit stretches and springs back. A double tap swoops you down to a region. Flags are now small pennants that fly above your troops.
   • 🏮 The hall at night: the red paper lanterns over the night market glow from inside and sway in the wind, and at dusk they catch one after another down Market Street, as if a lamplighter is running ahead of you. Your panda catches the lamplight with a warm edge and keeps its gold ring underfoot. Walking has weight now: you lean into turns, skid when you whip round, and kick up a little dust, and your feet patter softly on stone, cobbles, the red carpet, wooden bridges and puddles.
   • 🎉 Your turn now lands as a big vinyl sticker that flies into a pill in your colour. Tabs and the Map/Hall switch slide on a springy thumb with drawn icons. Toasts show what they mean, with confetti for wins and a fuse that burns down. And while the world loads, a panda rides a little tilted globe that turns on a toy turntable.
   • 🎲 Shake the dice before your turn's throw and you'll see them heat up: they go dark red and their pips glow amber. They land with a puff of dust, the camera leans in so you can read them, and the waiting dice sit on the map with a little hop, ready to grab.

3. November 2, 2026

   Sculpted models everywhere, and a brighter night in the hall

   • 🗿 The new sculpted models are on for everyone: pandas, troops and heroes, the buildings and pieces on the board, and the hall and the places you visit. The first visit downloads a little more; phones get lighter copies, and with data saver on you keep the simple figures.
   • 🌙 The hall at night is lit again: the moon and the lamplit paving light the houses, so the streets are moody without going black, and the fountain's warm glow shows on phones too.
   • 🔇 The buzz that played nonstop in the hall at night is gone (it was meant to be crickets).
   • 🐼 Walking in the hall looks right again: legs keep a natural pace instead of flickering.
   • 🌫️ The fog of war is now a low, drifting haze instead of cloud puffs: the land you haven't seen still shows its coasts, colours and mountains, a shade cooler and quieter, your own land stands out sharp, and when new land comes into view the mist rolls back off it and its regions rise up out of the ground.
   • 🏔️ The globe's land is now shaped from the real Earth's heights: the Himalaya stands as a snowy wall over the high, open plateau of Tibet, the Andes, the Rockies, the snowy arc of the Alps, the Urals and the Ethiopian highlands run where they really do, low green hills roll across the plains round Moscow, the Grand Canyon is cut deep in red rock, and the East African Rift sinks between its shoulders with its long lakes down its floor. The great lakes, from Superior to Baikal and Victoria, now show as water, deep blue in the middle with foam along their shores (they used to be missing, leaving flat bare patches), and the great rivers run all the way to the sea. Mountains can rise right up behind and beside the regions without ever hiding one.

4. October 30, 2026

   A cleaner menu, and Sun Tzu explains each choice

   • 🏠 Every page of the turn menu has a bar at the top that names where you are (Attack, step 2 of 4), with Back, a 🏠 Menu button and ✕ to cancel the action. Menu keeps what you were part-way through, and Resume takes you back to it.
   • ⏰ The menu opens with what needs you now, then Attack, Move, Build and Recruit as big tiles. Everything else folds into rows (Your people, The world, Money, Specials), and what you can't do yet waits under Later.
   • 📜 The first time you open a menu, Sun Tzu says why you'd want it, starting from your own empire, and stars the choice he'd make. Set his tips to all, warnings only or off under Sun Tzu's ideas.
   • ⓘ Troops, buildings, goods, Bag items and heroes have an ⓘ that says what they do, when to pick them and what they cost, even when you can't choose them yet. From there you can compare them all in the codex.
   • 🛡️ Recruiting or building a Fort shows what it does to the danger your region is in (Threat to Lhasa: 68% → 41%), and paying buildings say how soon they pay for themselves.
   • ⚡ Choosing troops for an attack updates the odds at once with a quick guess, then the exact chance a moment later, and the battle screen loads while you check the plan.
   • 🗺️ Pointing at a region in a list lights it up on the map.

5. October 30, 2026

   Your troops come alive on the map

   • 🐼 Zoom in toward a region and your troops come alive: they bob about, look around, chat with each other, cheer after a win, sulk after a loss and doze off if you leave the board alone.
   • 🥁 Moves and attacks march across the map as a column with a banner at the front. Attackers form up at the edge of the land they're invading, the defenders come out to meet them in a cloud of dust, then the survivors march in or head home.
   • 🔥 Battles leave their mark: smoke over a region attacked this round, scorch marks that fade over two rounds, rubble where your buildings were wrecked and a medic's tent where troops are hurt. Two-coloured bars mark the borders between rivals when you zoom part way in, and turn red where fighting broke out.
   • 🚩 Taking a region gets a little celebration: your colour sweeps round its edge, the old flag topples, yours goes up, and the troop counts float off.
   • 🏷️ The floating emoji are now clear icons, the same on every phone and computer. Zoom in and tap a building's pin, a hero, parked wheels or a battle mark to hear what it means, and the map key lists what's on your board right now.
   • 👆 Dragging from a name tag spins the globe instead of opening the region, and tapping it still opens it. Name tags no longer pile up on top of each other.
   • ⚡ Troops and buildings are lighter to draw, so the map runs smoother, and armies show their full squad only when you're close enough to see it.

6. October 30, 2026

   Battles happen where they are

   • 🏞️ Battles now happen where they are, with the land, weather, buildings and townsfolk of the region you're fighting over: rice paddies, sludge pools, snowy peaks, a Fort wall with its gate and banners behind the defenders.
   • 🌅 A battle's season follows the game's round. Some battles are fought at dawn, some at dusk and some by night, with the land's own rain, snow, petals or falling leaves, stars overhead in the dark and the odd flash of lightning in a storm.
   • 🚡 Invaders ride in on the gondola, its cable left strung across the sky, and a Fort throws its gate open to meet them.
   • 🧑‍🌾 Townsfolk go about their work before the fight, drop their tools and run for cover when the first charge goes in, and cheer whoever wins.
   • 🛡️ Cover, rivers and high ground are drawn on the field where they stand. A pennant shows who holds the cover, and a building wrecked in the fight falls in ruins as you watch.
   • 🩹 With wounds on the figures turned on, hurt companies hunch and lines on the ground show who's paired against whom.
   • 🎯 Choosing a target is easier: every enemy company you can pick pulses, the one you've chosen gets a ring and chevron, and the one you're aiming at gets corner brackets. Drag the field between moments to look round it; it springs back when you let go.
   • 🎲 On phones, a dice flick the browser takes for a scroll no longer throws your dice; they wait for a real tap or flick. The cursor shows an open hand over dice you can throw and a fist while you hold them.
   • ⌨️ You can hurry the story along with Enter or Space, and a double tap on it no longer zooms the page.

7. October 30, 2026

   Walking around the Lounge feels smoother

   • 🚶 Walking around feels smoother and shows more sky: the camera sits a little lower, looks a little ahead of you, and glides in behind you when you arrive. Indoors and in the Sludge Pit it stays level, so you see along the room.
   • 🪜 Through your own eyes, stairs are one smooth rise instead of a bump per step. On a phone, a chip at the top takes you back to the view from behind.
   • 💻 On a trackpad, pinch to zoom and swipe two fingers sideways to turn the view. The cursor turns into a fist while you drag the view round.
   • 🕹️ On phones in the Lounge, the thumb stick comes to your thumb anywhere in the bottom-left corner, and the jump button sits beside it instead of on top of it. The view sits a little higher so you're clear of the buttons.
   • ☣️ The Sludge Pit glows properly: round halos instead of boxes, real dark between the pools, and pools of lamp light on the ground.
   • 🏮 The Panda Sanctuary's lanterns look lit from inside, and the evening's sky lanterns are real paper lanterns with a glow round them instead of flat blobs.
   • 🔔 A ring on the ground shows what you're close enough to use, and the E key on the prompt squashes when you press it. Jumps, landings and emotes make little sounds, and the Lounge has its own sound button.
   • 🔇 M opens the map without also muting the sound, and keys pressed in a dialog no longer walk you.
   • 🎉 Say "yeah baby!" and you get Casey's fist pump.
   • ⚡ The Lounge runs smoother on slow devices, and the character picker no longer holds up the Lounge's front page.

8. October 30, 2026

   Lots of small fixes

   • 👆 On phones, buttons and links no longer stay lit after you tap them.
   • 🃏 Selecting text on a trading card and letting go outside it no longer closes the card.
   • 🚗 If you've asked your device for less motion, a crash no longer shakes the camera.
   • ♟️ In Safari, pinching a trackpad over the chess arena moves the camera instead of zooming the page.
   • 🔑 Signing in from your Kird card page keeps your link back to the game.

9. October 30, 2026

   A quicker, calmer game screen

   • 📱 On phones, the game no longer zooms in when you pinch or double-tap by accident, and pulling down no longer reloads the page. Buttons are big enough for a thumb, and nothing hides under the notch or the home bar.
   • ⚡ The game opens faster: the map starts loading as soon as the page does, and the screens you haven't opened yet load quietly in the background. The 3D behind a screen that covers it pauses, so your phone stays cooler.
   • 💬 Notes pop up and clear themselves after a few seconds (hover to keep one). Errors stay until you tap them, and show above an open window too.
   • ✍️ A chat message stays with the conversation you wrote it in, even if you switch chats, tabs or apps. On a phone, Return makes a new line and Send sends, and the chat no longer jumps to the bottom while you're reading back.
   • 🔙 Your phone's Back button steps back through the game instead of leaving it. Esc in the chat box leaves the box, not your turn.
   • 🎯 Tapping a region that isn't one of the choices while picking a target keeps you picking, and the choices pulse.
   • 🛒 Your goods show +2 or −3 as they change, and busy buttons stay bright with moving stripes while they wait.

10. October 30, 2026

    A lighter, prettier globe

    • ☁️ Land you haven't explored sits under soft drifting clouds instead of grey domes, and the clouds part when a region comes into view.
    • 🎨 Team colours are easier to tell apart, including for colour-blind players, and each Kird's land is tinted with their colour. The natives' colours moved away from the Kirds' olive and amber.
    • 🔤 Each Kird's initial sits on a corner of their land's border, so you can tell whose land is whose without telling colours apart.
    • 🍂 The world turns with the year as the rounds go by: greens warm into autumn, and snow creeps down the mountains in winter. Rivers wind and ripple, windmills turn, trees sway and the hot volcanoes smoke.
    • ☀️ New light: the sun comes from the side so every hex shows its cliffs, a soft sky light fills the shade, and a cool rim picks out the edges. The sky, the haze and the far side of the world now share one colour, so the horizon melts into the sky.
    • 🎲 Number tokens are bevelled coins with a gold rim, and show the odds as dots under the number. The 6s and 8s are bold red.
    • 🖱️ Picking a region lifts it gently instead of swelling it. With a mouse, hovering a region outlines it and names who holds it; regions you can't pick right now show a no-entry cursor, and the grabbing hand only shows over troops you can move. Releasing a spin of the globe over a region no longer opens it.
    • 📱 Smoother on phones: the world is built in the background (and kept on your device for next time), so the board appears straight away and the land fades in. Far less of the world is drawn when you zoom in, and the board slows its frame rate when you leave it alone, which saves battery.

11. October 30, 2026

    A map that follows your finger

    • 🌍 Spinning and zooming the game map follows your finger: the land under it stays under it, near or far, and the map no longer races off when you're zoomed in close. A flick glides on and settles.
    • 🔍 Zooming goes toward whatever is under your pointer or between your fingers. Mac trackpads pinch to zoom and swipe sideways to spin, in Safari too.
    • 🪖 Dragging troops is easier on phones: hold an army a moment to pick it up (a quick swipe still spins the map), the arc aims just above your finger so you can see where it lands, and the nearest ringed region counts even if you're a little off. You feel a buzz when you pick them up and when you're over a region you can drop on.
    • 🎯 The cursor tells you what a drop would do: crosshairs over land you'd invade, a closed hand over your own, and a no-drop sign anywhere they can't go. Let go somewhere else and the map says where to drop.
    • ◎ The new ◎ button, or the C key, takes you back to your capital. Arrow keys spin the map, + and - zoom, and while you're picking a region Tab steps through the choices and Enter picks one.
    • 🗺️ The map keeps where you were looking when you pop over to the Hall and back, and it flies to a spot along the shortest way round the world.
    • 🐼 The /world globe is lit like a real one, with the sun catching the sea and a soft glow round its edge. It zooms with ⌘ or Ctrl and scroll (so scrolling the page over it doesn't zoom), keeps your zoom when the window changes shape, and pauses while it's off screen to save your battery. Back closes a place's card.

12. October 30, 2026

    The ground matters, and the battle screen shows who's winning

    • 🏰 Where you fight now counts: a Fort or a wall gives cover to whoever holds it, a river slows the invaders' charge, and high ground adds to every blow. Chips over the field say what the ground is doing, and a tap explains each one.
    • 🏘️ Townsfolk are on the field. Area blows can hurt them, and the Kird whose troops did it answers for it in court. Moves and items that can hurt them say so before you pick them. Hurt two or more and it's an immolation. Buildings hit twice are left in ruins.
    • ⛓️ A hero whose whole side is wiped out by another Kird can be taken captive. The captor can ask a ransom, let them go or execute them, which goes on the court's record. Anyone not freed slips away after 6 rounds.
    • 🗡️ Pick your line's stance after the charge: Press, Brace or Envelop, each showing what it can expect to cost and win.
    • 📊 The battle screen shows who's winning with a tug of war across the field, calls the turning points, and plays quiet rounds faster.
    • ⛓️ Ransoms confirm their price before you pay, and a hero held on land someone else takes goes free. The result card shows the townsfolk hurt, immolations and ruins, and a greyed-out button says why when you tap it.
    • 💡 Rules that were hidden in tooltips are now a tap away, on phones too, and the reasons behind your dice show next to the totals. Enter and Space no longer throw the dice while a button has the focus, and Esc closes one thing at a time.

13. October 30, 2026

    Heroes with real faces

    • 😀 Heroes have real faces and mouths: each has their own jaw, nose and brows, and when they laugh or roar their mouth truly opens.
    • 🐼 Fur looks like fur, with a soft matte sheen instead of a plastic shine, and skin and hair look like skin and hair.
    • 👥 Crowds look varied: hats, scarves and aprons, Qinling brown pandas and grey elders, and squads that stand in loose ranks and don't all move in step.
    • 🚶 Pandas, ogres, moles and the sludge lords bend their knees when they walk, and a panda's black patches are soft fur now, not shiny plastic.
    • 🙌 Casey's face is out from under his helmet and beard, and he has a "yeah baby" fist pump that any character can do.
    • 🚀 Crowds and big battles draw far fewer shapes, so big fights run much lighter, and slower devices now get smooth, rounded figures rather than gem-like ones.
    • 😮 Everyone has a real mouth that opens, a CAM, a Merman or a panda included.

14. October 30, 2026

    The Kirds' Hall looks better day and night

    • 🏛️ The capital has a real skyline now: double-eaved roofs, a painted line of hills, coursed flagstones with rose-granite paths out to each institution, and a fountain with water spilling from its bowls.
    • 🌙 Lamps, signs, doorways and lantern strings light up at night, and the Mermen's season brings passing showers that leave the paving shining.
    • 🤖 Computer Kirds, Casey included, stroll the plaza by day: up to the fountain, a sit on a bench, a call at the last institution they did business with, and home to their porch at night. Their name tag has a 🤖, so nobody mistakes Casey for the hero.
    • 💬 A computer Kird you walk up to stops to talk, then catches up with its day, and the map shows where it's got to.
    • 🏠 Kirds' Row tells your story: houses are all different, and a traitor's door gets daubed, a criminal's gets cabbages, a leader's gets gold lanterns and an empty one a To let board.
    • 🥕 Market Street's stalls heap their goods by price, so cheap goods pile high.
    • 🚪 You arrive at the plaza with a clear view of the fountain, not in the middle of the giant chessboard.
    • ⌨️ M no longer mutes the sound when it opens the map, keys stop moving you while a dialog is open, Esc closes one thing at a time, and Q cycles your target instead of Tab. Sheets take the keyboard when they open, and the hall stays put when you switch to the map and back.
    • 📱 On phones the chat folds into a button, and every button is big enough to press.
    • 🚀 The hall draws far less at once, pauses when it's hidden, and a chat line no longer makes it redo the whole scene.

15. October 30, 2026

    Every territory looks like its place

    • 🌋 Each territory now looks like its place on the map: Japan and Hawaii stand under a volcano by the sea, the Sahara in its sand sea, the Yukon in snowy forest, Garbage Island on its heaps, and no two places have the same hills.
    • 🌧️ Real weather and water: rain falls in streaks and splashes on the street, petals and leaves tumble, the sea has foam and depth, and the trees sway. The time of day matches the capital's, and after dark the lamps and windows carry the night.
    • 🏯 Proper buildings: the Sanctuary has swept roofs, bronze pandas at the door and your own figure in gold on the dais. The Fort is dressed stone, the market has real stalls, houses are built the way people build in that part of the world, and every building has its own street front and door.
    • 🏘️ Main Street is a street now, with tall townhouses along it and bunting in the colours of the land's first people. What a place is known for stands over the walls: giant bamboo, stepped rice terraces, the mine's headframe, the sludge works' stacks, the ranch's silos.
    • ⚔️ A battle breaks the wall on the side the attackers came from, and a gondola's far terminal flies the colours of whoever holds that end.
    • 🛬 You arrive with a short fly-in you can skip, and a card with the place's name, its land, the season and who holds it. A small map walks you anywhere you click, on a computer.
    • ⌨️ Keys no longer move you behind a dialog, Q picks your next target, and the crosshair shows when you're armed.

16. October 30, 2026

    Casey has joined

    • 🎉 Your friend Casey now plays in every game as a computer Kird. New games seat him last, and games already going get him the turn after this goes live, on a free region.
    • 🙌 He plays like any other computer Kird, on real odds, if a little keener for a fight. Expect to hear from him in chat, especially after he wins one.
    • 💬 Talk to him and he answers in his own voice.
    • 🙅 He sits out a game where every seat is taken, and if a friend needs his seat, or someone called Casey joins, he gives it up.
    • 📈 GDP news about the emails the hero answered now says Casey the Norse God, so you can tell the two apart.

17. October 30, 2026

    A NACAM ogre hand for a cursor

    • 👹 On computers, a NACAM ogre hand is now your cursor. It points at what you can click, opens over the globe, makes a fist as you spin it and shows a red no sign over what you can't do.

18. October 30, 2026

    Ending your turn is instant

    • ⚡ Ending your turn is instant now, and the computer Kirds play straight after: their turns come in as they land instead of all at the end.
    • 🤖 The computer Kirds also weigh up their attacks faster, so their turns land sooner.
    • 💬 Chat messages send at once. The computer Kirds still answer, a moment later.
    • ⏳ A move that takes too long no longer asks you to try again straight away (and maybe buy something twice): the game checks for a few seconds whether it went through, and if it can't tell, says so.
    • 🪙 Every enemy troop you kill in a battle against another Kird pays you 5 Republic credits in salvage, shown on the result card, and Watto now brings battlefield junk to sell as well.
    • 🗳️ Once you've voted at the World Council you can spend 5 Woke Points on up to two more votes for the same Kird, and the computer Kirds do it too when the race is close.
    • 📧 A chat email now opens the chat when you follow its link.
    • 🏷️ The browser tab shows which world you're in, and "Your turn" when it's yours.
    • 🗺️ Games open faster: a game-shaped screen shows while your world loads, and the 3D models, sounds and fonts are kept by your browser between visits.

19. October 30, 2026

    A shinier Battledome, quicker dice

    • ♟️ The Chess Battledome shines: gold and marble catch the sun, and at night braziers burn right beside the board. It also runs far more smoothly, on phones most of all.
    • 🖱️ Spinning the chess camera over the board no longer plays a move when you let go, squares behind a piece are easy to click, and the board now sits clear of the side panel. Your own sound settings apply to the arena, and on a phone holding a piece names it without moving anything.
    • 🎲 The dice open faster and tumble the moment you throw, and if a throw doesn't get through you're told and can throw again. Watto's shop opens faster.
    • ⚖️ Pressing Esc while writing your statement keeps your words and the courtroom open, and the courtroom fits a phone held upright. Old court cases replay in full.
    • 🏗️ The Build menu's pictures fill in as they're drawn, framed evenly, and the dice and Watto rest your battery once they've stopped moving.

20. October 30, 2026

    Spinning the globe without the mess

    • 🌍 Dragging the globe or the game map no longer highlights all the text on the page, and the globe keeps spinning on your next drag instead of getting stuck.
    • 🖐️ The cursor shows what you can do: an open hand over a globe you can spin, a fist while you spin it, and a pointing hand over things you can click.
    • 🛬 Grabbing the globe while it's gliding to a place stops the glide, so your drag wins. Releasing a spin over a zoo's link no longer opens it.
    • 📱 On phones, typing in a box no longer zooms the page in, and the keyboard no longer covers what you're typing.
    • 🐢 With reduced motion turned on, animations finish at once instead of being skipped, so nothing gets stuck halfway.

21. October 30, 2026

    Battles last longer, and every move counts

    • ❤️ Battles last longer: soldiers take 2-3 blows now, not one. A soldier has 24 HP, so a heavy hit (Pike Charge, Club Smash, Dropkick) fells one in two blows where a light one takes three, and health matters. Heals, splash, burning, caltrops and the parting shot are scaled to match.
    • ⚜️ Heroes have two and a half times the HP they had. A lone hero still beats about three troops, and four more often than not.
    • 🦸 A hero leading the charge is off at the front: their aura lifts nobody that round. Lead with your hero, or keep them with the line for their aura. A hero meets five soldiers at most in a charge, and a line rallies behind its own soldiers' wins, not a hero's.
    • 🛡️ Guard counters Attack: a company on Guard against an Attack throws a die more, and its blows land first, so the soldiers it fells don't strike back. Only a Guard gets the short-handed bonus now (+1, a last stand).
    • 🎯 A crit always fells the soldier in front. Reading the other lead's stance is worth +2, and a rallied line +2, but only a side that wins the charges by 2 or more rallies, so one lucky round doesn't decide a battle.
    • 📏 Numbers tell: where the bigger line doubles up, its companies get the outnumbering bonus their numbers earn together. Getting round the flank lands half a blow.
    • 🪖 Companies are threes now, so every soldier in a company is in the fight, and a battle takes about as many rounds whatever its size. The invasion stalls after round 24, not 20.
    • 🏳️ Morale: once a side is losing badly, a company that takes a beating may start Wavering (-1 on every die, and it won't lead or push). Beaten again, it breaks and leaves the field alive. When every company left is Wavering and no hero stands with them, the whole side breaks and runs. Defenders with nowhere to fall back to are cornered: they waver, but they fight to the last.
    • 🏃 Retreat has a price: every enemy company still standing gives chase, a die for each file, so pulling out of a big fight costs more than a small one. A company that guarded last round covers the retreat and takes half. The retreat button tells you about how many of yours will fall on the way out.
    • 🚪 Defenders with a region of theirs next door can fall back to it from the second round. Their survivors and heroes walk out, every panda and CAM still who they were, and the attackers take the region. The computer falls back, or pulls its invaders out, when a fight goes badly.
    • 🩹 Wounds carry over: a soldier who ends a battle badly hurt is still hurt in the next one, at half his HP. The wounded heal one a turn in each region, and all at once in your capital. Heroes heal a third of their HP each turn, and fully in your capital.
    • 🤕 A hero knocked out in battle is carried off the field to your nearest region and laid up for 2 turns, not lost to the Hall of Heroes. Casey is still captured, and Pandazilla still wanders off.
    • 🎲 The computer mixes its stances, so it can't be read every time. The hint about the other side now says only whether they lean Attack, Guard or Tactics, or mix it up, and only from the second round.
    • 🔥 An immolated Kird's troops start every battle Shaken for the first round, and the win chances show it.
    • 🦖 Pandazilla rises bigger, to match soldiers who take more blows to fell.
    • ⚡ Win chances work out faster: the preview stops playing battles once the number is settled, and it counts wounded soldiers.

22. October 30, 2026

    Blows that land with weight

    • 💥 Every blow in a battle now shows how hard it hit: a heavy one flashes red for longer and throws up a bigger damage number, and the action freezes for a split second on contact. The camera shakes along the blow, and a critical hit punches in.
    • ❤️ Health bars show what each exchange took: the bar drops, a red chunk of what was lost lingers and then drains away, and the number counts down. A bar with less than a fifth left pulses.
    • 🚶 Fighters turn to face where they're going before they set off, ease into and out of each move, and walk back to their places at the end of a round instead of popping there.
    • 🌄 The battlefield stretches into the haze, with grass tufts or pebbles about and the ground worn to dirt where the dice land, and the camera now shows the hills behind it.
    • ✨ Sparks glow brighter, and thrown things kick up dust where they land. Phones draw cheaper shadows in battle, so it runs smoother.
    • 👆 Tap the hint about how the other side leans, “Spend a reaction?” or the snip line to hear the rule behind it, since phones don't show tooltips.

23. October 30, 2026

    Tighter money, woke that calms but never saves, and immolations that sting

    • 🏦 The World Bank gets dearer the more of one good you buy in a turn: 1 ¥ more each for every 5 of it. It buys back for less too (2 Panda cum for 3 ¥, 1 CAM cum for 3 ¥, 1 Woke Point for 1 ¥), and the Steve dealer pays less as the round's supply piles up.
    • 👑 A crown costs you most of your treasury: you keep 30% of your Yen (50 at least), and the rest goes to the World Bank. Crowns now count when the game sizes Kirds up, each one worth 6 regions, for Antitrust and tied elections.
    • ⏰ Woke Points calm revolts by 1 in 6 for every 10 you hold, but past 18 regions an empire always has at least a 1 in 6 chance. Every 5 still raise your trial point, 3 at most: nobody is too woke for the Tribunal any more. Woke Points can't be traded or gifted.
    • 🔥 Revolts break out in one of your 3 emptiest regions, the emptiest likeliest, not always the same one.
    • 🔥 Immolating hurts more: your share price takes a 15% hit at the next bell, and your revolt odds go up 1 in 6 while it lasts. Ping's hotline ends all of it on the spot. Immolation insurance now pays 3 ¥.
    • 🃏 Trump Cards scale: 3 pandas and 2 more for each of your regions in the card's land (10 at most), and the lockout runs 1 turn plus 1 for every 3 regions you took (or part of 3). Kicking out a pact partner or ally counts as betrayal, the lockout covers buyouts, takeovers and the Steve dealer, and you get a fresh card each crown race.
    • 🤝 Panda loans no longer print money: the borrower pays the lender rent, and if they can't pay, the lender calls the loan in.
    • 🏞️ One native buyout a turn, and it costs 10% more for every region you hold past 8.
    • 🛡️ Gear and woke training cost more for a bigger army (once more for every 6 soldiers of the kind). The Tower Shield is 1 iron and 1 stone. Sell Chips drains land for 5 rounds, not forever, and a Panda cum baby costs 2.
    • 🎯 Half of a bounty is now blood money, paid for every defender anyone kills there, win or lose. The fee on a lapsed bounty is 10%. In court, a plain majority can hand over land of an Immolated defendant, or land with a bounty on it.
    • 🤕 Heroes who fight a lot, or stand with troops on Steve, have more mishaps (a Panda Sanctuary halves it), and nobody gets the same one twice in a row. Some need a doctor: pay 3 ¥ from the Heroes page to get them back.
    • 📰 Casey Capital headlines now follow what's going on, and don't repeat.

24. October 30, 2026

    Fairer worlds and computer Kirds with personalities

    • 🎲 New worlds deal fairer starts: capitals are spread out, no capital sits on a 2, 3, 11 or 12, and no 6 sits next to an 8. The ogres and wild pandas are shuffled within each continent, so no two maps play quite the same.
    • 🪑 The host no longer always goes first. The dice set the seating order for everyone at the start, and the news says who goes first.
    • 🃏 World events and crises come from a shuffled deck: every card turns up once before any repeat, never twice running, the news says what's coming next, and cards that would do nothing are left out.
    • 🤖 Every computer Kird has a personality. Gondola Gary lays lines, Ogretron 3000 hires ogres, Kung Fu Circuit picks fights, Bao Bot plays it safe and Sir Bamboozle double-crosses. Each has its own voice in chat.
    • 💬 Computer Kirds answer according to how things stand: an ally talks like an ally, one you just invaded holds a grudge, one that's winning gloats, and everyone talks about the crisis. They don't repeat themselves either.
    • ⚔️ Computer Kirds play smarter. They weigh what an attack will cost them, ride their heroes to the front, buy an Iron Helm or a catapult before a fight, play their Trump Card, spend their Chinese Yen, and a hard one out in front may turn on a partner.
    • 🎬 Star witnesses each have three lines of their own, so a celebrity says something different from case to case.

25. October 30, 2026

    Reasons to visit your territories in person

    • 👑 Walk about one of your own regions for 15 seconds and your visit counts, even when it isn't your turn. A visit takes 1 in 6 off the chance of a revolt there at the next bell, and the region's page shows its unrest and what a visit does.
    • 🔭 Climb the tower in a region that borders another Kird and look past their land into the fog: you'll see roughly how many troops stand there (none, 1-3, 4-8 or 9+), or the exact count if you have a Fort. It shows what the tower saw when you climbed, until the round after, and your troops gossip about it. Once a round per tower.
    • 🧹 Do up to 2 chores a round in person: inspect the troops (a better chance of catching moles), make an offering at the shrine (2 bamboo for 1 less Bloodthirst), rock the cradle (cubs a little likelier) or plunge a clogged toilet yourself (a free service).
    • 🕳️ Rival moles leave 4 fresh molehills about your town. Stomp on one: if a mole is under it, you've caught it. Up to 2 stomps a round.
    • 🔥 A building wrecked in the last 2 rounds leaves charred ruins on its plot. Go there and rebuild it at half price.
    • 🏡 Territories look better: a lighter, truer sky, reflections on metal and water, villagers and animals with proper eyes, muzzles, feet and paws, a pony with a neck and mane, doors on the buildings' walls, and gondola cables that sag to a pylon at the far end. Each game scatters the land a little differently, with its dice number on a stone by the gate, the conqueror's name on the gate sign and traces of the natives who lived there first.

26. October 30, 2026

    Every choice says what it's for

    • 🪖 Recruit, Build and Heroes now give each choice one short line: what it is, and when you'd want it. Tap one to see what it does in full, with its battle numbers.
    • 🦸 Heroes for hire say why you'd hire them (Cock Penis: your ogres draw no wages), with their dice bonus stated once. Hiring one shows their perks, the catch, and the full rules a tap away.
    • 🏦 At the Bank, buying or swapping shows what a resource is the last thing you're missing for ("Only 1 short for 🏰 Fort in Lhasa"), and those come first. Otherwise it says what the resource is used for.
    • 🛍️ The Penis Marketplace says what each penis does: worn into battle, thrown from the Bag, and how many earn you Panda cum.
    • 🎒 Tap any of your goods at the top of the screen to see its name, on phones too.
    • 📖 How to play opens with its contents showing and a shorter introduction.
    • ✏️ Fixed: the Build menu said every building pays out every turn (Forts, Workshops and others don't). The Gym now says it's where CAMs train, Santas and drones no longer both claim to be the strongest, and battle text says "attack moves", like the buttons, instead of "Strikes".

27. October 30, 2026

    Easier to get around, fewer settings

    • 🏠 Every page of the Actions panel now has ← Back and 🏠 Menu at the top, and they stay there as you scroll. Tapping 🎯 Actions again also takes you back to the menu.
    • ↩ If you leave an action half done to look at something else (a pill on the map, or a trip to the Bank to buy what you're short of), a Resume button takes you straight back to where you left it.
    • ⏭ Back skips the steps the game answered for you, like 'Attack from where?' when only one of your regions can reach.
    • ✅ After an action, 'What next?' shows at most three things to do next, instead of a long list of ways back.
    • ⚔️ Before an attack, your chance to win now comes first. What goes into it is under 'Why these odds'.
    • 🎨 The game now has one look. The cel-shaded look, the battle looks and model styles, the graphics high/low button, the chessboard's sky, camera and 2D board buttons and 'Show every region's name' are gone. Graphics are set for your device automatically.
    • 📱 On phones, when a step asks you to pick a region on the map, a panel you'd made bigger folds back down so the map and the prompt show. Small buttons are easier to tap too.
    • 🚪 The ← in the top-left corner no longer takes you out of the game. 'All your games' is in the ⋯ menu.

28. October 30, 2026

    A finer Kirds' Hall

    • 🌅 The sky no longer gets cut off at the edges. It fades into the haze at the horizon, the sun sets before the moon rises and crosses the night, and rain brings grey cloud, lightning and thunder.
    • 🏮 Lamps and windows light up as the lamplighter does his round, with pools of light on the ground beneath the lamps. Empty houses on Kirds' Row stay dark. Sky lanterns only rise at dusk and after dark, and one you buy goes up in your colour.
    • 🏯 Roofs have proper hips and ridges with turned-up corners. When the Santas come, snow settles on the roofs and trees.
    • 🌳 The lawns have texture and kerbs, the trees each grow their own shape and sway in the wind, the ponds ripple and change colour with the day, and on high quality there are koi.
    • 🌸 The spots in town now show what people leave there: flowers pile up at the Battle Arch, coins in the fountain, cranes fly over the crane rock and incense smokes at the pagoda.
    • 🔊 The hall has sound: the murmur of the crowd, water as you walk near it, and rain.
    • 🐴 Horses, dogs, the Chan Po, Watto, the moles, the parade float and the club's speakers all have more shape to them.
    • ♟️ In giant chess you can tell the pieces apart by height: king, then queen, bishop, knight, rook and pawn, and none crowds into the next square. The knights' pegasus and war pig are better built, and the Colosseum's outer wall has proper arches and columns.

29. October 30, 2026

    A livelier Kirds' Hall

    • 🦸 Every hero now appears once in the capital, where the game has them. A hired hero stands at their post about town in their Kird's colours, with a plate saying whose they are: Casey on the Bank's steps, Sun Tzu up on the Battle Arch, Ping at his tea stall, and so on. A few heroes still for hire wait outside the Hall of Heroes, and a hero who's away (in his inbox, swooning, laid up or meditating) isn't about at all. When Sun Tzu isn't on the arch, a hermit keeps his perch and hands out proverbs instead.
    • 🗣️ The townsfolk don't repeat themselves any more. They go through everything they have to say before saying any of it again, in a different order each visit, and there's a lot more of it: the CAMs are vain, the ogres grunt and the moles whisper. Whoever hears a bit of gossip answers in kind, shocked at a scandal and pleased at good news.
    • 📣 They know you for more than being crowned or bloodthirsty. Win a battle and they'll cheer the victor of the place you took. Lose one and they'll be sorry for you. They also notice the Secretary-General, an oathbreaker, the richest on Casey Capital's board, the underdog with the least land and anyone new in town.
    • 🌋 The capital takes in the world. In a Horde everyone hurries, ogres and moles loiter by the gate and the wall gets a second guard. While Pandazilla's about, some folk stay indoors. A meteor draws a crowd to the Belvedere, the mothership puts a queue outside the Bank, and a margin call brings protesters to Casey Capital. In the Santas' and the Mermen's seasons, some of the citizens dress for it.
    • 🗳️ The Council chamber sits on the real business. The delegates hold the Kirds' seats by land and wear their colours, heckle the repeal motion or the election from their side, and cheer when their side's votes go up. In the Tribunal, the gallery talks about the case before the court and its verdict. The court's scales now hang the right way up.
    • 🛍️ In a game's Boob Marketplace, the stallholders cry the two goods whose prices have moved the most.
    • 🏷️ The capital's citizens, shoppers and stallholders have names of their own now, like Bao the cobbler. They're the same every time you meet them in a game.

30. October 30, 2026

    Hands, joints and cloth on the figures

    • ✋ The CAM, Santa, Casey, Ed, Goodman, Chris, Sun Tzu and Nockpoleon have real hands now, with fingers and a thumb that close round what they hold.
    • 🦵 Ed, Goodman, Chris, Nockpoleon and the CAM bend at the elbows, knees and waist as one smooth body, with no gaps showing at the joints.
    • 🧥 Casey's cape, Ping's robe, Nockpoleon's greatcoat and Sun Tzu's robes hang in folds down to a wavy hem.

31. October 30, 2026

    A faster, smoother game

    • ⚡ Moves and updates come back faster: the game now sends only what's new since you last looked, and a move's answer no longer waits on a second trip to the database.
    • 💬 When only the chat moved on, just the new messages arrive, and the map doesn't redraw.
    • 🌍 The globe rests while a battle, the courtroom, the dice or How to play covers it, so your phone stays cooler and the battle runs smoother. The far side of the globe isn't drawn either.
    • 📱 Holding your phone upright in the hall or a territory, you see much more to either side, and everyone has a soft shadow under their feet so nobody floats. Shadows in the hall, the territories and the rooms indoors have soft edges.
    • 🏛️ The hall hears the moment the game or the giant chessboard moves on, without the board asking the server for itself, and stops redrawing itself every second.
    • ⚖️ On phones the courtroom and the map drop are lighter to draw, with simpler figures in the jury box.
    • 🔒 Only Kirds seated in a game can check on it.

32. October 17, 2026 · #43

    Casey has to go big bathroom

    • 💩 Sometimes Casey has to go big bathroom. As your turn begins there's a 12% chance it hits him, and it always costs you something.
    • 🚽 If you have a working toilet in an Ass House in his region or next door, he makes it in time and spends that turn on the throne: no +3, no Thunder, no moving and no fighting.
    • 🔥 Without a toilet, he doesn't make it. He's out for two turns cleaning up, half your pandas and CAMs in that region run from the smell and don't come back (ogres stay, they've smelt worse), and you've immolated.
    • 🪠 A toilet that's been put in has to be serviced. It costs 1 ¥ and keeps it working for 4 rounds. Leave it longer and it clogs, and a clogged toilet is worse than none: it overflows under Casey, the accident happens there, and the toilet is wrecked.
    • 🏠 Put a toilet in (1 stone, 1 iron, 3 ¥) from the region page of any of your regions with an Ass House. The toilet also shows up in the walk-in Ass House in your town: spotless, or clogged with flies buzzing round it.

33. October 17, 2026 · #43

    Dogs and horses in the Kirds' Hall

    • 🐶 Dogs now live in the capital: Biscuit and Mochi on the Grand Plaza, Bao and Pepper on Market Street, Noodle in the Council gardens and Marshmallow in the south-west park. They trot about, sniff the stalls, sit, sploot and scratch.
    • 🐴 Horses graze in the parks and on the East Ring: Clover, Dumpling the pony and Juniper.
    • ❤️ Walk up to one and they'll wait for you. Press E (or tap) to pet them, and R to give them a treat: a bone, a carrot or an apple. They wag, wiggle and send up hearts, or munch away. Everyone else on the plaza sees it too.
    • 🐾 Feed one and it follows you about town for a couple of minutes, trotting after you, sitting by you when you stop and finding its way up stairs behind you. Everyone sees it tagging along with you.
    • 💛 Make friends: every pat and treat brings you closer, from friends to good friends to best friends. Your friends say hello when you come by, and the prompt shows how close you are.
    • 🐎 Saddled horses wait at the hitching rail on the plaza, west of the fountain. Walk up and ride one anywhere in town, just like a Chan Po or a scooter: W trots, Shift gallops, Space neighs and E gets off. Everyone sees you ride by.

34. October 17, 2026 · #42

    Giant chess in the Kirds' Hall

    • ♟️ There's a giant chessboard on the Grand Plaza, east of the fountain, with the Chinatown Chess Battledome's gods and swamp beasts as pieces as big as you. Walk up to either end and challenge another Kird from your game, or anyone who'll take it, at 3, 5 or 10 minutes. Whoever you challenge sees it wherever they are on the plaza.
    • 🐼 When your game starts the camera rises over the board from your side. Click or tap a piece, then where it goes, and your character walks up behind it and pushes it there, knocking anything it takes off the board. "Walk about" puts the camera back behind you, with a small board in the card to play on.
    • 👀 Everyone else on the plaza sees the pieces move as the players push them. "Watch from above" at the board gives you the players' view. A game on the board can also be watched in the Battledome.

35. October 17, 2026 · #43

    Watto, his chance cube, and Republic credits

    • ₢ Republic credits are here. Every Kird starts with 30, they sit in your purse with your Chinese Yen, and you can trade them like anything else. The Bank sells 10 for 1 ¥ and buys them back at 15 for 1.
    • 🪰 Now and then, as your turn begins, Watto the junk dealer buzzes into the Kirds' Hall with a lot of junk for you: a podracer engine, a bantha, a protocol droid's head. He wants 30 credits for it (and he'll tell you exactly what he thinks of that), or you can shoo him off. He's gone when your turn ends.
    • 🎲 To deal, throw his chance cube yourself: it sits on his counter in 3D, and you tap it or flick it, the way you throw the dice at the start of your turn. Blue and the lot is yours. Red and he keeps your credits and charges 3 ¥ for his time. A red 6 and he fleeces you so badly you're Immolated. Watto lets you know how he feels about it either way.
    • 🏜️ Watto's junkyard stands on the lawn behind the Market, podracer and all, and while he's in town you'll find him hovering at its gate. The computer players deal with him too.

36. October 17, 2026 · #41

    Wheels tags stay on their side of the world

    • 🚙 The tags over parked Chan Pos and Scooters, and over wheels on a trip, no longer show through the globe from the far side. They hide while their spot is round the back, like region names do.

37. October 16, 2026 · #40

    Chinatown Chess Battledome: every move plays once

    • 🐛 Fixed: a move (often your opponent's) could play its animation twice, the board jumping back a move and then playing it again. Moves now play exactly once, however slow the connection.
    • 🐢 On slower phones and computers, the arena's animations keep up with the game instead of falling behind.

38. October 16, 2026 · #39

    Know your pieces: names on hover and a 2D board beside the arena

    • 🔎 In the Chinatown Chess Battledome, rest your pointer on any piece to see what it is: "Knight: Poseidon, Pegasus rider (CAM)". On a phone, tap a piece and its name shows for a moment.
    • ♟️ The side panel now has a small 2D board above the moves, always in step with the arena, so you can read the position at a glance. You can play on it too: click a piece, then where it goes. Its squares name their pieces when you hover over them, and the full 2D board does too.

39. October 16, 2026 · #38

    Play the computer: ten emperors of China

    • 🤖 In the Chinatown Chess Battledome you can now play the computer. Pick "Play the computer", choose one of ten emperors (Qin Shi Huang, Liu Bang, Han Wudi, Tang Taizong, Song Taizu, Kublai Khan, Hongwu, Yongle, Kangxi or Qianlong), or let a random one take you on. Each plays at its own level: Easy, Medium or Hard.
    • ⏱️ Every time control works, 3, 5 or 10 minutes or 3 days a move, and you pick your side. The emperor takes a moment to think before each move, answers draw offers on the spot (it only takes a draw when it's losing), always says yes to a rematch, and the stronger ones resign a hopeless game.
    • 🕰️ Fixed: when a game ended by resigning, a draw or calling it off, the clock of whoever was to move jumped back to where it stood at their last move. It now stops at the moment the game ends.

40. October 16, 2026 · #37

    Chinatown Chess Battledome: gods against swamp beasts in the Colosseum

    • ♟️ A new tab, Chinatown Chess Battledome: two-player chess in a 3D Roman Colosseum. White is the CAMs (Classically Attractive Men), a cast of Greek gods; black is the NACAMs (Not Classically Attractive Men), ogres and hogs from the swamp. Every game draws its own cast, one god or beast per kind of piece, so all your pawns match.
    • ⏱️ Play 3, 5 or 10 minute games with a clock on each side, or 3 days a move. Pick an arena name, make a challenge (as CAM, NACAM or random) and anyone can take it from the lobby, or send them the link. Resign, offer a draw, call it off before the second move, and ask for a rematch with the sides swapped.
    • ⚔️ Every capture is a fight the game picks for you: Zeus's lightning, being turned to stone, Hades dragging someone under, a body slam, being swallowed whole, a swamp geyser, a sword duel or a punt into the crowd. Checks make kings tremble, promotions come with a pillar of light, castling ends in a high five, and the end of the game brings fireworks or confetti for the winners and a rain cloud for the losers.
    • 🏟️ Anyone not playing can watch from the stands: they stand in the emperor's box with their names over their heads. By day the sun's out over the arena; by night (your own time) the stadium lights come on. Switch it yourself, change the camera, or play on a flat 2D board instead.
    • 📧 If you're away when it's your move, when someone takes your challenge, or when a game ends, we email you (switch "Your turn" emails off on your profile).

41. October 15, 2026

    A tidier turn menu

    • 📋 The turn menu's actions are rows now, not big cards: the icon, the name with a short hint under it, and where it stands ("14 things you can afford", "Build a gondola line first") at the right. Twice as many fit on the screen, so there's far less scrolling, on phones most of all.

42. October 15, 2026

    Showdowns, immolation, Steve and the Ass House

    • 🎴 Showdowns: arguments between Kirds are now fought out, three rounds of Strike, Tactic and Guard cards with your Standing on the line. Whoever starts one writes a Brief; the other side fights it live on their turn, or leaves it to counsel. Everyone else can heckle. Heroes and lawyers bring signature moves.
    • ⚖️ Every lawsuit now opens a hearing in the Courtroom (Exhibit, Objection!, Character witness, Plea deal), and computer jurors lean to whoever won it. War crimes trials get a Tribunal with a prosecutor, victim impact statements, Remorse and Whataboutism. Mei Mei is the new public defender.
    • 🏦 Hostile takeovers go to the Boardroom: Raise the bid, Leveraged buyout, Poison pill, Golden parachute, White knight. Troops in the land make a takeover harder (but never impossible).
    • 🕵️ Catch a mole and you can execute it now, or take it to the Interrogation room under the Sludge Pit: Good cop, Bad cop, Weird cop and the Sludge dunk against Spin a story, Bite and the Cyanide tooth. Win and it confesses, pays up or turns double agent.
    • 🍵 Invite a Kird you're at war with to the Negotiating table: nobody attacks while you talk, and the winner's terms are signed as a treaty (tribute, land back, a mole freed, a lawsuit dropped). Walking out makes you an Oathbreaker; breaking a treaty makes you a Traitor.
    • 🏛️ The Council floor: election debates sway the voters, and you can move to repeal a law. The Secretary-General can filibuster.
    • 🔨 When the top two bids for a celebrity are within 2 ¥, it goes to the auction pit: Raise, Shill bidder, Paddle wave, Walk away.
    • 🔥 Immolation: lose a fight you had 70% or better to win, lose the crown on the last turn, melt down your own Reactor or go into battle on Steve and lose, and you've immolated. You're Immolated for a few rounds (a badge everywhere, a die down in your next showdown). Call Ping's Immolation Hotline (there's a phone booth on the Hall plaza) to calm it down, take out immolation insurance at the Investment Bank, or fight it at the Immolation Inquiry, where anyone can also accuse you of one the game missed.
    • 📰 The log is now This Week in NACAM, with the Immolation of the week up top.
    • 🍑 NACAM ogres live in the Ass House: two ogres there draw no wages, its Trash Room keeps 2 cards from every raid on a 7 as sludge, and its TV, the Green Machine, is far too green to see anything. Walk in and try.
    • ⚙️ Fabs, the new NACAM Reactor and the ceviche shack work in batches you start yourself, up to 3 in line, one finishing at each of your rolls. The Reactor makes Plutonium or Steve from sludge, but 1 batch in 12 melts down.
    • 🧂 Steve makes your troops stronger for two rounds, then they crash, and it's habit-forming. Stay off it and you're Clean (juries like that). 🦐 Ceviche makes anyone stronger, CAMs most of all, with no crash.
    • 📱 On phones, the panel can be made bigger, smaller or hidden (drag the bar or tap), with a full-width bar to bring it back and nothing crammed together.

43. October 14, 2026

    A new look, and real icons

    • 🧸 The game has a whole new look: chunky toy plastic with ink outlines and candy colours. Buttons sit up off the page and squash when you press them, the tabs pop up out of a sunken track, and badges are stickers. Same menus and everything in the same place, just more fun to poke at.
    • 🏷️ Statuses are drawn as real pictures instead of emoji: Oathbreaker, Traitor, Bloodthirst, on trial, war criminal, crowns, the Secretary-General, allies, colonies, sanctions, every battle status (Staggered, Hyped, Burning and the rest) and heroes who are swooning, laid up or sulking. You'll see them in the race, the turn order, Kird pages, the army panel, court and council, battles, over heroes on the map, and in the news.
    • 🖍️ Try the cel-shaded look: the ⋯ menu has "Switch to the cel-shaded look", for flat bands of light, ink outlines and bright cartoon colours on the world map, in battles and in the towns. Switch back any time; each device remembers its choice. On phones and slower computers it skips the outlines to keep things smooth.

44. October 13, 2026

    A bigger world, every connection in sight, and Chan Pos that fight

    • 🗺️ 38 new territories fill the gaps on the map and reach out across the open sea: the Urals, Altai, Hindu Kush, Yakutia, Manchuria, Bengal, the Deccan, Taiwan, Malaya and the Spice Islands in Asia; Libya, Lake Chad, the Niger Delta, Nubia, Angola and the Zambezi in Africa; the Guiana Highlands, Mato Grosso, the Gran Chaco and the Atacama in South America; the Caucasus, Svalbard, Newfoundland, the Arctic Archipelago, Chukotka, the Outback and Tasmania; and islands far out to sea, from Cape Verde, St Helena, the Seychelles, the Maldives and Kerguelen to the Galápagos, the Falklands, Micronesia, Fiji, Tahiti and Rapa Nui.
    • 🚡 The map is far better connected: nearly twice as many places a gondola line can run, with island chains across the Pacific, the South Atlantic and the Indian Ocean, so there are more ways round a rival and more borders to watch. Every connection the old map had is still there.
    • 🌍 Games already going get the new territories too, a few at a time: four are charted as each round begins, one part of the world after another, and the news says which, who holds them and how many are still to come. Each starts in native hands (wild pandas, NACAM Ogres, CAMs, Santas in the far north, Craig's Mermen on the islands), ready to be taken. New games start with the whole map.
    • ➰ Tap any territory and white dotted lines run from it to every territory it connects to, each one named. Bright dots mean a gondola line could be built there; faint ones follow a line that's already running.
    • 🐄 The cattle on your ranches look like cattle now: four legs, horns, a tail, patched hides, and half the herd with their heads down grazing.
    • ✨ A softer, richer look everywhere: lamps, lit buildings and the sun on the water glow, the map blurs gently toward the top and bottom as you zoom in, like a tabletop model, far hills in battles sit in a light haze, and the towns and halls get the same treatment. It tunes itself to your device, and turns itself down if frames start to drop.
    • 🌊 On the map, the shallows and surf now follow the real coasts.
    • 🚙 A Chan Po that drives your troops into an invasion now stays for the fight. After its opening ram (now 2 of the defenders Staggered where it was 4, and still only off a trip of 3 stops or fewer) it takes the field as a company of its own on your side and attacks every round, with moves of its own: Ram Raid, T-Bone, Crumple Zone, Full Beams, Rev It and, with enough Momentum, the School Run. You can lead with it like any other company.
    • 💥 It fights about as well as a CAM: two dice and 10 HP, and it's a Machine like a drone (no type beats it, and rumours, kisses and racks do nothing to it), but with no armour. If it loses all its HP it's wrecked and gone for good, so think before you drive your only one into a hard fight.
    • 🏳️ A Chan Po can't win a battle by itself. If every one of your riders falls, the battle is lost and a Chan Po that's still running is the defender's to keep, as before. Chan Pos parked in a region that's being attacked stay parked: they only fight for the troops they drove in. Scooters are unchanged.
    • 🎲 The odds you see before you attack count the Chan Pos fighting, and computer players weigh them the same way. You'll see the car on the battlefield in silver: it drives in, rams, charges with the rest and ends up a smoking wreck if it's knocked out. Battles from before today replay exactly as they did.

45. October 11, 2026

    Drive, chat and find everyone

    • 💬 Chatting is quicker: press E (with nothing to use nearby) or Enter to start typing, Enter to send and keep going, and Esc to get back to walking. Lines you send in a row stack up over your head and fade one by one.
    • 🚕 Drive a Chan Po or ride a scooter: there's a Chan Po rank and a scooter stand on Market Street in the Kirds' Hall, scooters in every Lounge place, and the Chan Pos and scooters parked in your lands are yours to take. E gets in and out; W, S, A and D drive, Shift boosts and Space honks. Others see you driving. Mow down townsfolk in a Chan Po and it counts like any other kill, Bloodthirst and all (you're asked first); scooters just knock them over, and other players only get shoved.
    • 🚪 Doors make sense now: no more stone ledge across the doorways of the Hall's buildings, doors swing right back for anyone walking up, and you go in just by walking through. In your lands, the buildings you can go into have a lantern and a Come in sign; the others stay shut.
    • 🐼 The Panda Sanctuary, the Boob Marketplace and the Sludge Pit are now places to chill off your game's Kirds' Hall: follow the signposts to the moon gate, the market arch or the manhole, and you're there with your game's players. Walk back out to the Hall the way you came.
    • 👥 See where everyone is: a Who's here list says where each player is ("in the Tribunal", "up the pagoda", "in the Sanctuary") and turns you to face them; arrows at the edge of the screen point to anyone out of sight; buildings with people inside say who; and M opens a map of the place.
    • 🛡️ Fewer surprises: if something goes wrong in the Hall or your lands, it picks itself back up instead of throwing you out to the map, a reload brings you back to where you were, and walking out of the city gate takes you back to the map.

46. October 11, 2026

    Higher and livelier: pagodas, bridges and a town that knows the news

    • 🏯 The capital climbs: a hill rises in the north-west with red gates up a long stair to a crag, and on top the Pagoda of Five Bamboos, the tallest thing in the city. Climb it floor by floor, step out onto its galleries, and ring the bronze bell on the lookout 22 m up. A covered sky bridge runs to it from the bell tower, a rope bridge sways out to Crane Rock and its moon-viewing pavilion, and a plank bridge climbs from the city wall.
    • 💧 A waterfall spills off the crag with a cave behind it to sit in, a stream runs down past a mill with a turning waterwheel, and a steep moon bridge crosses the canal high enough to walk under. South of the Bank, the Lantern Steps climb in tiers from a quay on the canal up to the city wall, with stalls on every level, and a stair from the quay leads down into the smugglers' way, a tunnel under Market Street. Say the secret knock.
    • 🌗 Day turns to night in the capital, the same hour for everyone: a lamplighter does his round at dusk, night-market hawkers take over the stalls (knock-off racks, celebrity penises, no questions asked), and drunk NACAM ogres stagger out of The Rusty Club.
    • 🎉 The capital marks what happens in the game: a parade with a giant panda float and fireworks in their colours when someone is crowned, a parade for a victory, and a funeral up Market Street after a heavy loss. Townsfolk pass on the latest news, cheer you if you're crowned or leading, boo and throw tomatoes if you're a Traitor or nearly on trial, run from a drawn weapon, and gather round anyone cut down.
    • 📈 Jokes about town: Casey Capital's real share prices scroll down the Bank's wall, Big Tay's Penis Emporium lights up in neon with the live prices (censored under Decency Standards), a Chan Po drives up Market Street honking at people (crawling under the Speed Limit, or Chris's party bus during his party), scooter couriers zip past, Sun Tzu meditates on the Battle Arch handing out proverbs, a Woke Madrasa preacher calls the most bloodthirsty Kird to repent, a hawker sells the latest Trump Card, moles in hard hats pop up in the park, and Nockpoleon stands on a column, actual size.
    • 🏔️ Your lands go up as well as out: a cliff with a waterfall and a crystal cave behind it, a rope bridge across from the land's own tower (a mine headframe, a bamboo treehouse, a sludge refinery, a rice shrine or a ranch water tank, with an ore trestle, sludge catwalk or hay loft halfway up), a five-storey pagoda beside the Sanctuary, a bridge-house over the stream with a tea table, a walkway over the gate, and a little amphitheatre by the Fort. Troops and villagers climb them too.
    • 🪖 Your lands show your game: troops wear their real outfits and salute as you pass, expecting pandas waddle round the nursery, CAWs stroll arm in arm with their ogres, powered-down drones sit under a blue screen, and sulking heroes sit at home under a raincloud. Barrows bring in the harvest, coins fly to the tent, a Casey Capital ticker runs over its door, and a wanted poster, court summons or insurance plaque goes up when they apply. A crowd cheers new recruits, there's a street party when you've just taken the land, carpenters after a raid, and Pandazilla, the Horde or the mothership when they're near. Villagers gossip about what's going on, and put their hands up if you draw a weapon.
    • 🌙 Day turns to night in your lands too, with a lamplighter, bats, fireflies and a campfire song, plus birds, butterflies and jumping fish by day.

47. October 11, 2026

    Towns to explore: jump, climb and walk into everything

    • ⌨️ The keys are on screen now: a strip along the bottom shows what each key does where you are (move, run, jump, look, draw, strike, use), and lights up as you press it. Draw a weapon and it switches to the fight keys: click to strike, F to put it away.
    • 🦘 Jump with Space, and climb onto anything up to about head height: benches, crates, walls, stalls, the ring at the gym. Stairs, ramps, bridges and balconies take you up and down levels. Nobody walks through anybody any more: players, townsfolk, troops and pandas all bump and step round each other.
    • ✨ Players stand out: every real player glows in their own colour, with a name tag to match, while townsfolk get a plain grey tag, and a soft ring at your feet always shows which one is you.
    • 🏙️ The Kirds' Hall is a walled capital now: a Grand Plaza with a fountain on a raised terrace, Market Street out to the gate under the Battle Arch, Kirds' Row with a house for every Kird, a canal you can walk along under the bridges, the Belvedere garden, the Justice Yard, a park, the barracks, and a city wall you can walk all the way round up to the bell tower. Every building you can go into is as big outside as it is inside, with doors that swing open as you come up.
    • 📜 The capital tells the game's story: bronze or gold statues of crowned and leading Kirds on the plaza, wanted posters of Traitors and war criminals, convicted Kirds' effigies in the stocks (pelt them with cabbages), the law in force carved on the Council's steps, the last battle inscribed on the Battle Arch, the Marketplace's real prices on the stalls, bunting for the season, and the scars of whatever crisis is on: sludge from the Horde, Pandazilla's footprints, a meteor's crater, the mothership overhead. Each Kird's house flies their colours, with a pennant per region, a medallion per crown and toy soldiers for their troops.
    • 🏞️ The Lounge's places are much bigger too: the Panda Sanctuary is a whole valley, with a terraced hill up to a pagoda with a balcony, a waterfall to climb, a moon bridge and a bamboo forest, and a keepers' house, a tea house and the pagoda to walk into; the Boob Marketplace and The Sludge Pit have grown streets, levels and places of their own to go into.
    • 🏛️ The Hall's buildings are grand inside, with stairs to climb and doors that swing open as you come and go: the Tribunal's public galleries and the holding cells below, where whoever's been convicted or is wanted sits behind bars under their name; the Council chamber's gallery and a walkway round the foot of the dome; the Bank's mezzanine of offices, with the Governor's chair and the Bank's book of everyone's crowns, and the vault downstairs, its heap of coin as big as the world is rich; the Market's gallery of spice, silk and black-market traders; and the Embassy's grand staircase up to the treaty room and its balcony, over a gold statue of the leading Kird.
    • 🦸 The Hall of Heroes: walk in to see every hero in the world on a plinth, with what they add in battle and whose they are (hired ones wear their Kird's colours). Walk up to a hero for hire to go straight to hiring them. Casey has a dais of his own, and Pandazilla towers over the far end.
    • 🔪 You can cut down the townsfolk too: the tea sellers and guards on the Hall's plaza, the clerks and tellers inside its buildings, and the villagers in your own lands (draw a weapon there too). A townsperson falls at the second blow and a guard or a clerk at the third; blows that don't kill cost nothing. But every kill builds Bloodthirst (1, or 2 for someone who keeps order), at most 3 a turn, on your own turn, and everyone hears of it. Enough of it and the Tribunal puts you on trial, as for any war crime. Your troops are never fair game: they only die in battle.
    • 🏘️ Your lands are proper little towns now, twice the size: in through the gate and up Main Street past the shops and stalls to the square, out along the roads to the drill yard and barracks, the nursery garden, Workshop Row and the mill pond, then over the bridge and up the grand stair to the upper terrace, and on up the hill to the watchtower to look out over it all. Every building you've built stands at its plot; walk into the Panda Sanctuary, the Fort (climb its ramparts) and the CAM Gym, and the rest open their doors as you come up. Jump, climb and wade the stream; villagers and troops walk the streets and step round you.
    • 🚡 Every gondola line out of a region has a station at the town wall, facing the way it goes. Walk up and ride it to your land at the other end: the cabin glides out over the countryside and you step off at that town's station. A town attacked lately shows its scars, and your capital flies your colours down Main Street with a crown on the watchtower.

48. October 11, 2026

    Walk the world: the Lounge, the Kirds' Hall and your own lands in 3D

    • 🛋️ The Lounge (the new tab at the top): pick a place and a character, drop in, and hang out with whoever's there. Walk about, chat in speech bubbles, and wave, dance, laugh, cheer, blow a kiss, sit, bow or flex. Three places to go: the Panda Sanctuary, the Boob Marketplace and The Sludge Pit. Be one of the heroes you have in your games, from Casey to Ping or Nockpoleon, or if you have none, one of your kinds of troops; anyone can be a panda. In a game's Hall and your own lands, it's whoever you have in that game.
    • ⚡ It's live: once you're in the same place as someone, your browsers talk to each other directly, so you see each other move, emote and talk as it happens.
    • 🏛️ The Kirds' Hall: a new 🏛️ Hall view in every game, next to 🌍 Map. Every Kird's character is always there, at their own seat when they're away. Walk up to one and talk business: offer a pact, an alliance, a trade or a panda loan, gift pandas, or take them to court, all through the usual pages and rules. Walk into the Council chamber, the Tribunal, the Bank, the Market or the Embassy to go inside: each is a room of its own, live, with the court's case, the council's laws, the bank's rates, the market's prices and the treaties on show.
    • 🎮 Walking and looking about feel like a proper game: WASD goes where the camera looks and Shift runs; hold the right mouse button to look round, and the camera swings in behind you as you walk and never ends up inside a wall or a roof. Press V to see through your own eyes, with the mouse as your head (Esc lets it go). The arrow keys still turn you and walk the way you face, if you like it that way. On phones the stick walks, a drag anywhere else looks and a pinch zooms. The ? button lists it all, with mouse speed and invert Y.
    • 🪑 Things to use in every place: walk up to one and press E (or tap the button that pops up) to sit down, ring it or have a go, and the place reacts.
    • 🏮 Every place is busy: keepers, monks and tourists at the Sanctuary; haggling shoppers, a busker, a pickpocket mole and a paper dragon at dusk in the Marketplace; a DJ, a bar and dancing ogres in the Sludge Pit; guards, Ping's tea kiosk and Nockpoleon crying the game's real news in the Kirds' Hall; a bailiff, scribes, tellers and attachés inside its buildings. In your own lands your troops drill, lift, haul and play, villagers work the land, animals scatter as you pass, and on some rounds it rains.
    • ⚔️ In the Hall you can draw a weapon (F, or ⚔️ Draw) and fight. You always know when it's out: the screen glows red at the edges and says so. A red ring locks on to the Kird or panda in front of you (Tab or the mouse switches, or tap them on a phone), and a click or the Attack button swings at them, or shoots along your aim with a bow or a sling, so everyone sees it fly. Unarmed, a click never hits anyone. It's an act of war: pacts break, allies are backstabbed, and killing a panda from panda diplomacy makes you a Traitor and sends you straight to the Tribunal. The first time a blow would land on someone, you're shown what it will cost and asked.
    • 🐼 Pandas loaned or gifted to you follow you round the Hall, by name, in a scarf of the Kird who sent them: they hop, waddle after you, copy your emotes, nap and tumble.
    • 🚪 Visit your own lands: open one of your regions and tap Visit to walk round it in 3D: its bamboo grove, rice terraces, mine, sludge flats or ranch, with your troops and buildings there. Recruit at the drill yard, build on an empty plot, set Standing Orders at the tent, or walk up to a panda and pick a partner (with mood lighting and a bass-heavy soundtrack).
    • 🗺️ A new world map: real mountains, deserts, jungles, ice and rivers, an animated sea with surf on the coasts, clouds and birds, and villages, pagodas and landmarks as you zoom in. Each region stands as a raised piece of its own land, with its holder's colour round the edge.
    • 🚡 New gondolas: stations with pagoda roofs, twin cables that sag like real ones, towers on long lines, and cabins in your colours that swing, slow into the stations and fill with pandas when your troops ride. A new line strings itself out; a cut one snaps.
    • 🎵 25 new pieces of music: every place has its own (two or three each), the court has dramatic ones, battles have three more, the map two more, and pairing pandas gets its own slow jam. Every character has a theme that plays when you arrive or pick them.
    • 🧭 Easier menus: actions come first, in four groups that stay put; a ⏰ Waiting on you list of what needs your answer, with one count everywhere; breadcrumbs and Back that keep your place; steps with only one answer filled in for you; long explanations folded under How it works; every greyed-out choice says why; and bigger buttons on phones.

49. October 8, 2026 · #36

    Trump Cards

    • 🃏 Every Kird now gets one Trump Card a game, for when you're losing or want to reset the board. Play it from 🃏 Trump Card in the Actions menu, wherever you hold some of its land: every other Kird is kicked out of that land (it goes back to its natives), and 10 new pandas dig in to defend your regions there.
    • 🇨🇳 “I know China very well” clears China. 🇺🇸 “Mexico isn't sending their best” clears America. 🇵🇷 “We love Puerto Rico” clears the Caribbean, Florida and (once it rises) the Bermuda Triangle. 🕌 “We'll call him... Muhammad” clears Persia, Central Asia and Arabia. 🌊 “We're renaming it to the Gulf of America” clears Mexico, Central America and South America.
    • 🔒 The catch: for the rest of that turn and your next 3 turns you can't attack anyone, recruit, or use the Bank. Kirds kicked out by a Trump Card hear about it by email.

50. October 8, 2026

    Outfits, drones, Sun Tzu, and a fairer game

    • 🛍️ Penises are now bought and sold at Big Tay's Penis Emporium: build your own, or shop at a neighbour's and pay them a cut (no Emporium nearby? The old counter still works, for a bigger cut). 🎀 Lil Nak's Hefty Outlet sells racks.
    • 👙 Dress your named soldiers for battle. 🥜 Panda penises are lucky, 🍌 CAM penises hit harder, 🥒 NACAM penises soak up blows, and every celebrity's has a perk of its own. Racks distract enemy ogres, CAMs and Santas (no die from him that round), and a distracted soldier may sprout a booner you can snip mid-battle: he goes home a eunuch, or off to Chris. Mermen, heroes and drones are never distracted. Each round one item is the Fashion of the season and its bonus doubles; beware knock-offs that fall off mid-fight, and sue whoever sold you one as real. The winner of a battle takes what the fallen wore.
    • 💍 A CAW who settles down with a NACAM ogre is High Character: +2 defence, and neither she nor her ogre can be distracted. Lord Farquaad joins the celebrity auctions.
    • 🤖 New troop: AI drone cock machines, built at a Data Center for 🧠 Chips. One is worth about four CAMs and shrugs off the first hit every round, but each eats a Chip a turn or powers down, Mermen short them out, and a big enough swarm still drowns one. Spend Chips to hack a rival's drone next door (on a 6 it joins you), and watch out for blue screens.
    • 🧠 Chips do a lot more now: lift the fog, peek at a jury's tally, get a market tip (trading on it is insider trading), trace who emailed your Casey or kidnapped your CAMs, run standing share orders at Casey Capital, pay for Chan Pos and tunnel digging, and drive a Chan Po one stop further.
    • 📜 Sun Tzu's advice ranks your best moves and says why: attacks at their real odds, what pays for itself fastest, shares, lawsuits and votes. He warns you when an army can reach you next turn or your capital stands empty, and the first time you meet something new he teaches you a short lesson.
    • 🧙 Hire Sun Tzu himself, the Old Master, if you have the Chips: he foresees crashes and crises, lifts the fog around him, trains Veterans, retreats in good order from a bad fight, and walks through the mist to any region of yours. Every fourth turn he's off meditating on a mountain.
    • 📉 Bring down the leader: short another Kird's empire at Casey Capital, bet on penis prices with futures, or put a bounty on any rival's region for whoever conquers it and holds it. Emails to Casey are anonymous now, and anyone can send one, even mid-battle; every one he answers grows his Kird's economy for a few turns, and a traced one can land you in court for harassment.
    • ⚖️ More to sue over and more ways to win: fund someone else's lawsuit for a cut of the damages (Chris's Kird gets a better cut), call a celebrity whose penis you own to testify, insure your land at the Investment Bank (letting a friend take it is insurance fraud), and sue over reckless driving, smuggling, knock-offs, harassment, hacking, product liability and insider trading.
    • 🕳️ Hold both ends of a Great Tunnel to smuggle goods past sanctions. Scooters fit through tunnels, Chan Pos don't, and a tunnel can now be collapsed for good.
    • 🏛️ New World Council laws: Antitrust, the Mole Protection Act, the Speed Limit, Tort Reform, Decency Standards, the Autonomous Weapons Ban and Net Neutrality.
    • 🛡️ Heroes now fight one invasion a turn and carry their wounds until your next turn, so a hero stack can't roll up an empire in one go. The troop types matter again: a counter lands its blows twice as hard. Casey finally fights like a god, and a rumour really hurts a hero now. Scooters Hype only the troops who rode them, each Chan Po rams four defenders and only off a short trip, and a cut line stays cut until the cutter's next turn.
    • ⚖️ Bribes no longer buy computer players' votes for the Kird out in front, nor anyone's vote for Secretary-General. Computer players gang up on the leader, ties go to the smaller Kird, nobody serves two terms running, and Martial Law can't be dealt to the leader. Restraining orders and land need real evidence, and lapse if you strike first. Damages are capped at 10 coin or resources, and filing costs more the bigger you are.
    • 💸 You can snip once a turn and never a fresh recruit. Mergers pay 15% on top and can't be repeated for 10 rounds. Shares pay real dividends (about 8% a round) but can't be sold for 2 bells after you buy. Woke Points over 10 slowly go stale.
    • ⚔️ Big battles are fairer: every soldier in a large company now counts, so a handful of drones or heroes can't beat an army ten times their size. Hero auras no longer add up or lift other heroes: only the best one counts, and it lifts your troops. Counters hit 1.5× and the type ring holds at equal cost (CAMs beat ogres now). Ogres cost 8 ¥, Mermen 10 ¥ and drones 36 ¥. Pandazilla rises as big as the army it's heading for, and Sun Tzu can't walk the mist and fight in the same turn.
    • 🧾 Each wrong on the court record backs one lawsuit, and only the Kird it was done to can sue (smuggling, fraud and insider trading let anyone sue, once). The Secretary-General can only throw out suits with no evidence, and a star witness can't win a case with nothing on the record. Hacks and pickpockets count as striking first under a restraining order, Antitrust fines the biggest Kird whether or not they own a bank, and trading on Sun Tzu's market foresight is insider trading.
    • 🏦 Insurance pays out only on land your troops fought for, and costs far less (2.5% of a region's worth a round, for 90% back). Panda loans end with the pandas going home, and pay at most 3 Panda cum a turn in all. Shorts owe only a quarter of the dividends, futures pay double on each move, Fabs make 3 Chips, racks sell back at an Outlet for half price, mergers pay back by what each partner put in, and Casey's emails are worth 2 ¥ each to his Kird.
    • 🔢 Bank swaps, currency exchanges, moles and Chan Pos can be bought several at a time: pick how many, or tap Max. Explanations in the menus are now broken into short lines and bullets.

51. October 7, 2026

    Dolbec Oaf and Goodman

    • 🏈 A new hero in the Hall of Heroes: Dolbec Oaf, the Left Tackle. A NACAM ogre, 6'7" in his cleats. Hire him for 7 ¥, 2 🟢 and 1 🥩. Like any hero, he adds +1 to every die in battles fought from or in his region, and he leads the line: there, your NACAM ogres roll +1 more on every die and take 35% less in the line clash, while he's standing with his head up.
    • ⚔️ In battle he's a Legend with 32 HP. Tackle leaves whoever he beats flat on their back (Staggered), Pass Block holds the line, and Hut! Hut! has every ogre company on your side Focused next round. His Signature is the Pancake Block: four heavy dice, and a won pair flattens them and drives on through their line, 6 to every other company.
    • 🗞️ Another new hero: Goodman, the Rumour Mill. She knows a guy who knows a guy. Hire her for 5 ¥, 2 💦 and 1 🥛. Once every 4 of your turns she spreads a rumour (2 ¥) about another Kird's hero you can see, anywhere. They're Demoralised 😞 for their Kird's next 2 turns: they still move and fight, but add no bonus, throw at −1 in battle, and use no powers (no Thunder, pickpockets, Move or rumours). Do it from 🦸 Heroes.
    • 😢 Dolbec Oaf is a big softie under the pads: rumours about him last 3 turns, and he doesn't lead the line meanwhile. Gossip is no war crime, but Goodman never talks about a friend's hero: not with a pact, not an ally, not a fellow member of the World Coalition. Nobody stays down for good. Everyone can see who's demoralised, and until when.
    • 📞 Goodman is the Panda Nations Court's Goodman too: hold her, and she's on every case of yours for nothing (no fee), and nobody can hire her against you. Demoralised, swooning, laid up or away, she works nobody's cases for free.
    • ⚔️ In battle Goodman is no fighter (20 HP, about Ping's match), but Heard It Through the Grapevine demoralises their best hero for a round when it reads their Guard, and her Signature, Smear Campaign, never misses: every hero of theirs is Demoralised for 2 rounds (Dolbec Oaf, 3). A demoralised hero adds nothing to their side's dice. A Feast or War Drums cheers them up.
    • 👀 You'll know them when you see them: Dolbec towers over everyone in a helmet and face mask, shoulder pads and a number 77 jersey, a football tucked under his arm, and goes in low and shoulder first. Goodman is a sharp, dark-haired woman in a too-shiny skirt suit and a loud pussy bow, with a briefcase in one hand and a phone that keeps finding its way to her ear.
    • Computer players hire them (the ones big on ogres go for Dolbec first), and spread rumours about the best hero they can see, most of all one guarding land they're about to attack, or Dolbec leading a line of ogres.

52. October 7, 2026

    Chris, the Deep Tech Investor, and his bachelor party

    • 🚠 A new hero for hire: Chris, a venture capitalist in a fleece vest who runs a marathon before breakfast and funds urban gondolas. +1 to every die in battles fought from or in his region, like most heroes.
    • 🚡 Gondola lines you build from Chris's region cost only 2 ¥, and once a turn he takes a pitch meeting with a friend (a pact or an ally) and funds them a line for 2 ¥ of yours.
    • 💼 Chris approaches! Every 3 of your turns he pitches another Kird a deep-tech startup (self-driving gondolas, superconducting bamboo…). They can put in up to 10 ¥ on their turn, or pass. 3 rounds later two dice decide it: 7 or more and it pays back double (and you earn a carry of half their stake), anything less and it's gone. Everyone hears about it.
    • 🚪 Every 3 of your turns Chris knocks on doors in a natives' region next to his. On a die of 5 or 6 they join you, with everyone living there, and no fight.
    • ⚔️ In battle: Flying Tackle, Due Diligence, Series A (his side Hyped) and his Signature, Proselytize: win a pair and one soldier he went after crosses over to your side for good (two on a 6), and the rest are Charmed.
    • 🎉 A new crisis while Chris waits in the Hall: his bachelor party. RSVP while it's announced, and for 3 rounds the guests can't attack anyone and nobody can attack them, while everyone else roams free. Every round there's a challenge (two dice each), and each guest can bring a wedding gift once (up to 6 goods, a point each). Whoever comes out of it best is his best man, and gets Chris for nothing.
    • 🤖 Computer players hire Chris and use all of it, answer his pitches, RSVP to the party when the peace suits them, and bring gifts.

53. October 7, 2026

    Casey Capital

    • 📈 Casey, the Norse God, is an investment banker now. Whoever holds him takes 10% of every deal in the world, and every email he answers when one calls him out of a fight has a chance to close a deal of its own when he's back at his desk: some ¥, some 🧠 Chips, or a free building. Massive shareholder value. It's all in 🎯 Actions → 📈 Casey Capital.
    • 🏦 Three new buildings. The 📈 Investment Bank (1 🟢, 1 ☢️, 1 🥩, 4 ¥) pays 1 ¥ a turn, and you need one to trade shares or do M&A. The 💿 Semiconductor Fab turns 1 ☢️ and 1 🟢 into 2 🧠 Chips (a new good) every turn. The 🗄️ Data Center burns up to 2 Chips a turn for 3 ¥ each, but every turn it runs there's a 1 in 12 chance it drains its land dry for good.
    • 📊 The Panda Exchange: 10 shares in every Kird's empire, priced by their land, buildings and income. Prices only move at the bell, as each round begins, so you can buy and sell on anyone's turn, and every bell the market pays dividends to whoever holds them. Now and then there's a 🫧 bubble or a 📉 crash, and every bell brings the financial news (“Chris approaches you with a deep-tech pitch”) that nudges a Kird's price.
    • 🦄 Thatcher's Deep Tech Ventures takes anyone's Yen (up to 30 ¥) and pays 10% a round, until it's over-leveraged. Then Casey's bank margin-calls it: a new crisis. Cover the call together and the payers get 1.5 ¥ back for every ¥; leave it short and every gondola line in the world comes down, and the investors lose their stakes.
    • 🔗 Mergers pool two Kirds' land Yen for 3 or 5 rounds, paid back at every bell with 50% on top. 🦈 Hostile takeovers buy another Kird's building (it moves to your land) or an empty region of theirs, closing as their next turn ends, unless they move troops in or swallow a 💊 poison pill. 🏷️ Buy out the natives next door outright: no battle, no war crime. 💳 Borrow from Casey's bank for any of it (a leveraged buyout), but miss the interest and the bank seizes a building.
    • 🕵️ A new mole mission cracks another Kird's books, showing what their shares do at the next bell. Trade on it that round and it's insider trading: the Tribunal catches it half the time, and it's a war crime.
    • 🤖 Computer players build Investment Banks, buy shares, play the fund (the hard ones get out before it blows), buy out cheap natives, fight off takeovers and cover margin calls.

54. October 7, 2026

    Lawsuits and the Panda Nations Court

    • ⚖️ Somebody wronged you? Sue them. On your turn, open ⚖️ Court (or a Kird's page in Diplomacy) and pick the wrong: an invasion, a backstab, a broken pact, a mole in your land, a gondola line into it, stolen goods, a hero kissed by Ed, a kidnapping, slander, or something else in your own words (yes, you can sue Cock Penis for being Cock Penis). Filing costs 3 ¥.
    • 💰 Ask for damages (up to 10 goods), a restraining order (they can't attack you or build lines into your land for 3 rounds), and, if you dare, one of their regions next to yours. Land is hard to win: it takes two thirds of the whole jury.
    • 🧑‍⚖️ Every other Kird sits on the jury and votes, sealed, on anyone's turn, before your next turn, when the verdict lands. Each side makes one opening statement. The Secretary-General presides and breaks ties (and can throw out a frivolous suit); with nobody in the post, Judge Bao presides and a tie goes to the defendant. A suit the jury calls frivolous pays the defendant's costs. Being sued? Countersue.
    • 📞 Better call Goodman: for 5 ¥, either side can hire Goodman, attorney at law, for a case. She can strike one juror and drag the case out a round, once each.
    • 🏛️ The courtroom, in 3D: a panda judge (or the Secretary-General) with a gavel, both parties at their tables, the jury box full of Kirds with their ballots popping up over their heads, every statement spoken out loud, and a gavel-slam verdict. Open it while a case is on, and replay any verdict on the docket.
    • ☠️ War crimes trials sit in the same court now, by the same rules as ever: open them in ⚖️ Court or the courtroom, and the accused can make a plea that everyone hears.
    • 🤖 Computer players sit on juries and vote with their interests (and can be bought), sue Kirds who attack them, and call Goodman when the record is against them.

55. October 7, 2026

    The Penis Marketplace, and CAWs

    • 💪 Every CAM is somebody now, with a name: a CAM, or now and then a CAW (a Classically Attractive Woman). They fight alike. A CAW and a CAM in the same region can settle down as its CAM couple and raise CAM babies, slowly (a CAM Gym helps). A CAW can settle down with one of the ogres there instead: NACAMs and CAMs bred make NACAMs, so their babies are ogres. Find them under 💕 Pandas → 💪 Your CAMs and CAWs, or on a region's page.
    • 🛍️ The Penis Marketplace opens (a new tile in the menu, and next door to the Bank). Penises are a new good: 🥜 a panda's (famously tiny), 🍌 a CAM's (the pricey one) and 🥒 a NACAM's (the cheapest, and the ogres have feelings about that). Buy and sell them for ¥ at prices that move: every one bought puts the price up, every one sold puts it down, and they drift back toward normal as each round begins.
    • ✂️ Snip a boy panda or a CAM of yours, and his penis is yours to sell or keep: he's a girl, or a CAW, from then on. A graft goes the other way. The 🍆 Giant Penis now hands his Kird a penis every turn.
    • 🎁 What penises are good for: trade them with other Kirds, pay them in tribute to the Mothership, exchange them at the Bank, give a CAW a 🍼 penis baby (a CAM baby, or an ogre baby) with no partner needed, and hold them: every 4 you hold earn a 🥛 Panda cum a turn.
    • 🎒 Three new Bag items to attack with in battle: 🫣 the Big Reveal (the enemy is Shaken for 2 rounds), 🪃 the Boomerang Bonk (8 damage, no dice) and 🫛 the Peanut Gallery (4 to every enemy company).
    • 🎬 Celebrity penises, one of a kind, go under the hammer every few rounds: Hollywood's leading men and the world's own heroes. Bids are sealed and the top one wins. Fans pay you ¥ every turn to see yours, and the Marketplace buys it back for half its value.
    • 🤖 Computer players raise CAM families, sell their penises when the price is right, stock their Bags with them and bid at auction.

56. October 7, 2026

    Hero mishaps, and a sword-swipe into battle

    • 🤕 Now and then, as a round begins, a hired hero has a mishap: Casey tears his bicep, the Josserkid has to get a blood draw, Big Santa Daddy gets stuck in a chimney. Every hero has their own. It's rare, about one round in seven.
    • 🩹 A hero who has a mishap is laid up for their Kird's next turn or two: no bonus, no powers, no moving, and they sit out every battle, just like a hero swooning after Ed's Move. Everyone hears about it, and everyone hears when they're back in action.
    • 👀 Everyone can see who's laid up (🤕), and until when: on 🦸 Heroes, on region pages and the map, before an attack and on your Army tab. The odds count it, and so do the computer players.
    • ⚔️ When a battle opens, yours to fight or a replay, a giant panda in a red headband swings its sword across the screen, and the swipe wipes the map away into the battle. Tap to skip it. If your device is set to reduce motion, it's a quick fade instead.

57. October 7, 2026

    The Great Tunnel, and moles that kidnap CAMs

    • ⛏️ The Great Tunnel: 4 of your moles and a fortune dig a tunnel from a region of yours to anywhere at least 2 regions away. Two regions off it's 5 🟢, 2 ☢️ and 12 ¥ and 3 turns of digging; the far side of the world is 15 🟢, 2 ☢️ and 42 ¥ and 5 turns. The crew can't do anything else meanwhile, and if the region it starts in falls, it caves in.
    • 🫨 Nobody knows you're digging until the round before it breaks through: then the ground rumbles over the far end, and whoever holds it hears it (not whose it is). You'll see the cracks on the map.
    • 🕳️ Once it breaks through it stays open: troops ride it like a gondola line between its two ends, whoever holds them (on foot: wheels don't fit), and the first invasion up it catches the defenders Staggered. Both mouths show on the map, with a trail of dirt between them.
    • 🟢 Hold the far end? Pour a sludge plug into it (2 🟢, 3 ¥) and nobody gets through, but it erodes as your next turn begins: to keep it shut, you pay every turn. The digger's moles can dig through a plug whenever they like, for 2 🟢 and 6 ¥ and 2 moles' turn.
    • 🎒 A new mole mission: kidnap CAMs. Your moles in another Kird's land tunnel up under their CAMs and drag them off, one CAM per mole (3 ¥ each), several moles together for a bigger haul. CAMs only: Santas are too fat for the tunnel, and moles never kidnap ogres, their own kind.
    • 🚨 Kidnapping is loud. Spotted, the CAMs break free, every mole in the crew is caught, and it's one big scandal: 1 Bloodthirst a mole and 1 more. Unspotted, the CAMs come up tired where your moles last dug out of and join your army, and the victim only learns that moles did it.
    • 🕳️ You can keep 6 moles now (it was 3), so there are enough for a dig and a few spies besides.
    • 🤖 Computer players with money to spare dig the Great Tunnel toward the leader's land, pour through it when the odds are good, plug tunnels that open into their land when there's an army at the other end, and kidnap a CAM now and then where they're unlikely to be spotted.

58. October 7, 2026

    Wheels, and open gondolas

    • 🚡 Anyone can ride any gondola line now, whoever built it. So when someone builds a line into your land, you can ride it straight back into theirs. A line toward a rival is a door that opens both ways.
    • ✂️ Shut a door: cut any line that ends in your land (your own too, but not an ally's) for 2 ¥, from 🏗️ Build or the region's page. It's gone until someone builds it again.
    • 🚷 A new World Council law, Closed Borders: for its term, only a line's builder and their allies may ride it. It replaces Open Borders, which is how things work all the time now.
    • 🏭 A new building, the Wheels Factory (1 🟢, 2 ☢️, 2 ¥). It parks 2 🛴 Scooters there every turn (up to 6) and sells 🚙 Chan Pos: silver Lexus RX 300s, 2 ☢️, 1 🥩 and 4 ¥ each, 2 for each factory.
    • 🛞 Wheels are parked in regions, like troops, and you can see them on the map. Troops leaving a region ride the wheels parked there: the Chan Pos fill first, 4 to a car, and the rest take a Scooter each (Mermen can't ride a Scooter: no legs). A hero can ride shotgun in a Chan Po.
    • 🛣️ Wheels go by gondola line, but several stops in one move: up to 3 on Scooters, 5 in Chan Pos alone, every stop but the last one yours. The last stop can be an invasion: a Chan Po rams the defenders (they start Staggered), and troops on Scooters start Hyped. Each Chan Po trip burns 1 ¥ of petrol.
    • 🚙 Wheels arrive tired and stay where they stop, and they're whoever holds the region's: take a region and the wheels parked there are yours. If every rider falls in battle, the defender keeps what they rode in on. On the globe, a Chan Po drives the route with a tag showing who's in it.
    • 🤖 Computer players with a big empire build a Wheels Factory, buy Chan Pos, drive their troops to the front, take their wheels into battle, and cut a rival's line that brings a stronger army to their border.

59. October 3, 2026

    Made for phones

    • 📱 Battles on a phone: both armies fold into slim health strips across the top (tap one to see every company), so they no longer hide the fight. While you give orders, the panel stays under half the screen with ⚔️ Charge! always in reach, and the text box steps aside.
    • 🔄 Turn your phone sideways in a battle and the field sits on the left, with the orders down the right.
    • 🗺️ The game on a phone or tablet: your goods run along one row you can swipe, your land and the map keys share the next, and whose turn it is sits in one row with Move troops and End turn. The panel takes 40% of the screen (minimise it to see the whole map), and when you hold the phone sideways it runs down the right.
    • 👆 When you pick a region on the map, the prompt sits at the top, out of the way of the regions you're asked to tap. The note about what happened since your last turn sits low on the screen, and ✕ dismisses it (it's all in the Log).
    • 🎲 When you throw your dice in a battle, the camera keeps all of them in view, on an upright phone too.

60. October 2, 2026

    Battles: lead the charge

    • 🪖 Armies fight in companies now, every one of them on the field at once. In a skirmish every soldier is their own company; bigger armies form pairs, then fours, and in a big battle each file of a company stands for several soldiers. So a battle of 60 a side is over in a handful of rounds, much like a battle of 6, instead of grinding on for 20.
    • 🎯 Each round you make one call: pick a company to lead the charge (tap it on the field or in the list; a bright orange arrow marks who you're about to pick), its move, and whom it goes after. Then tell the rest of your line to 🗡️ Push or 🛡️ Hold, and charge. The orders panel walks you through it in three numbered steps, with the one you're on lit up and the ones you've done ticked off (tap Change to go back). The other side does the same, in secret. Stuck? Sun Tzu's pick fills it in for you to take or change.
    • 🎲 You throw your own dice: once the orders are in, your dice float over the field. Tap them, or flick them across it. Only the charges' dice are thrown, a handful a round however big the battle. (When Sun Tzu has command, he throws for you.) Before each charge, its dice slide together into pairs on the table, highest against highest, and the winner of each pair lights up. While the charge plays out, a scoreboard in the corner of the field keeps every pair's dice and how it went, with the one being fought lit up.
    • 🎭 The reveal: both leads step out in front of their lines and their moves flip over together. Attack beats Tactics, Tactics beat Guard, Guard beats Attack: a lead that reads the other's move charges first, with +1 on every die (otherwise, whoever threw the higher die). The computer learns your habits, so mix it up.
    • ⚔️ The charges: each lead charges the company it picked, yours and theirs in turn. Soldiers meet one on one in the middle, best die against best die, and whoever wins strikes: the blow lands on that soldier's company right there, and you see who falls. A tie is a standoff. A soldier nobody meets gets round the flank on a 3 or better. A lead cut down before its charge never gets it. Caltrops bite a company as it charges, never before the dice are thrown.
    • 📣 The rally: whoever won more in the charges rallies their line, +1 on every die along it this round. Win your charge, and your whole army surges.
    • 🛡️ Then the lines meet in the middle, company to company (the bigger line doubles up), in one quick clash, with the damage over every company. A pushing line goes at the companies facing it; a holding line braces (ties go its way and it takes less) and fights only what comes at it, so two holding lines just stare. Pandas and Mermen hold well; CAMs and ogres would rather push. Hold too long as the invader and the battle stalls in the defenders' favour.
    • 💥 Every die is a soldier, and a blow fells the one soldier it beat (a crit can cut down one more). No more one lucky soldier wiping out a whole squad in a single blow. A company short of soldiers for its move throws the dice it has, at +1 for each one it can't (not against a hero).
    • 🦸 Heroes are a match for a small army now. They shrug off half of every blow (a quarter, before), and nobody gets round them: a hero holds the middle and meets every soldier who steps up to it. When the company it charged falls, a hero charges on into the next with the dice it has left. Nockpoleon alone beats four CAMs nearly every time; Casey can take on ten. Pandazilla and the Sludge King are too big to duck and easy to surround, and a holding line fights back when one wades into it.
    • 🏟️ The armies stand facing each other across the field, all in play. You see every pair of soldiers meet and the one who lost fall where they stand.
    • 👥 Numbers count. Outnumber the company you fight 3 to 2 for +1 on every die, 2 to 1 for +2, 3 to 1 for +3. Badly outnumbered, you won't last long.
    • Types are +1 on every die for the side whose type beats the other's, and nobody is ever more than +2 better than the soldier in front of them. A tie nobody claims is a standoff: nobody's hit. Signatures, Bag items and once-a-battle moves are the lead's; momentum is the whole side's.
    • 🧜‍♂️ Mermen defend at +3 now: the best defenders in the world, as they always claimed.
    • 🤖 Computer players judge their attacks by the real battle rules now, the same odds you see before you attack: no more marching into fights the old sums got wrong. Hard ones play out more battles before they decide, and dare a little more.
    • 🧪 The Battle Lab has ✏️ Build your own: pick both armies, heroes, the defender (a Kird and their orders, or natives), the ground and the buildings, then fight it, watch Sun Tzu fight it or simulate it. A new card shows whether a computer player would attack with your army, easy, medium and hard, and how it decided.
    • 📋 Troops are described the same way everywhere (the Army tab, recruiting, picking troops, the Battle Lab and How to Play): their type and what it beats, 10 HP each, how hard they hit, and what they add to their dice attacking and defending. A panda's +0 attack was never "no attack": every troop hits; attack is what it adds to its dice. The Army tab and How to Play explain the new rules.

61. September 30, 2026 · #35

    Ed, the Smooth Operator

    • 💋 A new hero in the Hall of Heroes: Ed, the Smooth Operator. A tall gentleman in a sharp black suit with a white flower in his lapel, and he bakes. Hire him for 6 ¥, 3 🍚 and 2 🥛. Like any hero, he adds +1 to every die in battles fought from or in his region.
    • 🍰 Once every 3 of your turns he can do the Move: he serves another Kird's hero next door (in a region next to his, one you can see) a slice of his yummy bundt cake, for 2 🍚, then grabs them, dips them and kisses them. They swoon, weak at the knees, for their Kird's next 2 turns: no bonus, no Thunder, pickpockets or Move, no moving, and they sit out every battle. Their region can still fall meanwhile. Do it from 🦸 Heroes, or from the page of the region they're in: it lists every hero Ed could kiss, and why not the others.
    • 💞 It's a kiss, not an attack, so it's no war crime, but Ed never kisses a friend's hero: not with a pact, not an ally, not a fellow member of the World Coalition. Nor anyone swooning already, nor Casey while he's away answering email. Nobody swoons for good: they always get at least 1 turn in 3 on their feet. If he kisses your hero, you'll hear about it, by email too.
    • 😍 Everyone can see who's swooning, and until when: on 🦸 Heroes, on region pages, before an attack and on your Army tab, and the odds count it.
    • ⚔️ In battle he's a Legend with 26 HP. Lapel Grab straightens their lapel, then yanks: win a pair and they're Exposed. Unflappable is his guard, and Bundt Cake heals everyone on his side 10, for 1 🍚. His Signature is The Move: no damage, and it never misses. He sweeps one of theirs off their feet (their hero, if one is standing), and Mwah! 💋 They're Swooning: no Strikes or Signatures and −1 on every die, for 2 rounds on a hero (1 on troops), and a swooning hero adds nothing to their side's dice. A Feast or War Drums brings them round.
    • 👀 You'll know him when you see him: bald as an egg and tanned, in a black suit, an open white collar and polished shoes, carrying a bundt cake up on its plate like a maître d'. He goes "mwah" when he kisses, and the cake never so much as wobbles.
    • Computer players hire him, and do the Move on the best hero next to him, most of all one guarding a region they're about to attack. Kissing Casey is their favourite.

62. September 29, 2026 · #34

    Nockpoleon, Emperor of the CAMs

    • ⚜️ A new hero in the Hall of Heroes: Nockpoleon. He's Napoleon, but his name is Nockpoleon: the smallest hero alive, a Classically Attractive Male, and he's got a guillotine. Hire him for 5 💦, 4 ¥ and 1 🥩.
    • 💪 CAMs sign up wherever he is, CAM Gym or not, and cost you 1 less 💦 CAM cum each (never less than 1). Like any hero, he adds +1 to every die in battles fought from or in his region. His card in 🦸 Heroes has a button to recruit CAMs right where he stands, and when you pick where CAMs should join, his region says he's there.
    • ⚔️ In battle he's a Legend with 28 HP. His Sabre Charge rolls an extra die in the first round, his Grande Batterie fires cannonballs from range, and Vive l'Empereur! gets his whole side Hyped and him Focused for the next round.
    • His Signature is The Guillotine: four heavy dice, and if it wins a pair and leaves the squad it hit on a third of its HP or less (a hero, on 10 HP or less), the blade comes down and finishes them off, every last one. Off with their heads! The move's odds say how low they have to be.
    • 👀 You'll know him when you see him: a tiny emperor in a sideways bicorne and a navy greatcoat with gold epaulettes, one hand tucked in his waistcoat, wheeling his own guillotine into every fight. Its blade drops when he strikes, and when it finishes someone off, a guillotine springs up around them too.
    • Computer players who are big on CAMs go for him, and recruit CAMs wherever he is.

63. September 29, 2026 · #33

    Casey's inbox

    • 📧 Casey, the Norse God, is the busiest being alive. Every round of every battle he's in, there's an 18% chance he gets an email and leaves the fight to answer it ("Sorry, have to jump on this."). With nothing unread, that's about 2 battles in 5. He isn't knocked out and nobody is lost, but his +3 goes with him, and whoever was fighting beside him steps up. The battle screen and the replay show him leaving, and the odds before every attack count it.
    • 🖥️ Called away, he answers every unread email and is in his inbox for his Kird's next 4 turns, not to be heard from: no +3, no Thunder (it keeps recharging), no moving and no fighting. His region can still fall while he's away, and whoever takes it captures him, inbox and all. Everyone can see whether he's at his desk, and when he's back, on 🦸 Heroes, on his region's page and on his card in battle.
    • 📧 His weakness is email. Anyone but his own Kird can email him from 🦸 Heroes on their turn, wherever he is: 1 ¥ each, up to 3 a turn. Every unread email makes him 5% likelier to leave, every round (never more than 50% a round), and everyone sees how many are unread. Emails sent while he's away are waiting for him when he's back.
    • Computer players fill his inbox before they fight his Kird or go after the leader, and a Casey who's away throws no Thunder for them.

64. September 29, 2026 · #32

    Pandazilla

    • 🦖 A new crisis, and a new hero: Pandazilla, a colossal wild panda. The ground shakes a round before it rises out of bamboo land nobody holds. Then it stomps across the world one region a round, on a route of 6 stops that everyone can see, making for the capital of the biggest empire outside the World Coalition.
    • 👣 Land nobody holds, it simply flattens. Yours, it fights for, in a real battle fought by your Standing Orders, with the news, the replay and the email of any attack. Lose, and the troops, the buildings and the family in the nursery there are gone. Hold, and it tries the same stop again next round. Every stop is numbered on the globe and listed on 🚨 Crisis, with your odds of holding it when it's yours and next.
    • 💥 It has 150 HP, and every battle's damage stays: attack it wherever it stands, wear it down together, and throw Casey's thunder at it for 20 HP (thunder never lands the last blow). In the World Coalition, every HP you knock off counts toward your share of its hoard, 12 🎍 and 6 🥛.
    • 🪢 Whoever lands the last blow, attacking it or defending against it, tames it, in the Coalition or not. Pandazilla joins them as a hero: +2 on every die in battles fought from or in its region. It eats 2 🎍 at the start of each of your turns (the Bank sells you any you're short of). Go without, or see it knocked out in battle, and it wanders back into the wild, where it can rise again. Nobody can hire it.
    • 🌊 If nobody tames it by the end of its route, it wades into the sea and nobody gets a thing. Wherever it passed is left wild, with 2 wild pandas in the ruins.
    • 👀 You'll know it when you see it: in battle, a scarred kaiju panda swinging an uprooted bamboo grove, half as tall again as the Sludge King. On the globe it towers over the region it stands on, stamping, with its paw prints pressed into every stop ahead.
    • Computer players join the Coalition against it, pile troops and a Fort into the stop it's heading for (or pull out when that's hopeless), attack it when the odds look good (keener as it weakens), and keep a tamed Pandazilla fed.

65. September 29, 2026 · #31

    Gems are out, beef is in

    • 🥩 Gems are now Beef. Diamonds never made much sense in a world of pandas and ogres, but everybody understands a good steak. Every 💎 you had is now a 🥩, and everything that cost gems costs the same in beef.
    • The regions that dug up gems raise cattle now. They pay 🥩 just as they paid 💎, at the start of your turn and when the dice roll their number, and they're steak red on the globe instead of purple. Atlantis still pays +2 🥩 a turn: Atlantean sea-cattle graze its sunken pastures.
    • Battles there are fought on the Cattle Ranches instead of in the Gem Caves: golden pasture, split-rail fences, hay bales and the odd cow skull. 🥩 moves still roll 1 more die, and everyone still crits on a 5 or a 6 (it's called Bullseye now).
    • The Armory and the Bag paid a visit to the butcher. The Gem-Tipped Bow is the 🦴 T-Bone Bow, with bone-tipped arrows in a butcher-paper quiver. Gem Knuckles are 🍖 Beef Knuckles, and their Dazzle Punch is a Knuckle Sandwich. Gem Focus is 🍔 Beef Up, and the Lucky Gem is 🍀 Lucky Jerky. Each costs and does exactly what it did.
    • ☄️ And when the Deflector turns a meteor, the sky rains meteor steaks: the Coalition splits 6 🥩 of space beef, flame-grilled on the way down.

66. September 29, 2026 · #30

    The Super-NACAM Horde

    • ☣️ A new crisis, the deadliest yet: the Super-NACAM Horde. Let the Sludge Pit reach 30 cards and it boils over (or it comes when a crisis is due): 10 Super-NACAMs and their Sludge King erupt out of NACAM land nobody holds (a meteor's crater included), carrying off the whole pit as their hoard. Super-NACAMs are ogres, only worse: Radioactive, Mutant, and 2 more crawl out of the sludge in every region the Horde holds, every round.
    • 🎯 Every round the Horde says where it's going next (the biggest empire next door, and a Kird outside the World Coalition if it can find one), and the round after, it attacks. It's a real battle, fought by your Standing Orders if it's your land, with the news, the replay and the email of any attack. If it wins, the region is Horde land and its buildings are rubble.
    • 🧌 Stop it by killing the Sludge King in his capital. He's a boss nobody can hire, and he fights last, so nobody walks in while he's home. Kill him and the Horde collapses, the Coalition splits its hoard and a 10 ¥ bounty by the Super-NACAMs each member killed (attacking or defending, and Casey's thunder counts), and the killer wears the Sludge King's Crown for good: +1 on every die against NACAM ogres.
    • 🏴 Nobody manages it within 6 rounds, and the Horde settles for good as the Sludge Empire: 8 Super-NACAMs in every region it held, who never march again and never go away on their own.
    • 👀 You'll know them when you see them: hulking, glowing Super-NACAMs and a Sludge King with his trident in battle. On the globe, every region the Horde holds bubbles with radioactive sludge under a trash-bag banner, the King's has a sludge geyser and his garbage throne, and ☣️, 🧌 and 🎯 tags say where it erupted, where the King holds court and where it strikes next.
    • Computer players pile into the region the Horde is coming for and build a Fort there, gather on its border, and go for the King when the odds look good (an easy one sometimes sits the crisis out and picks on whoever's busy).

67. September 29, 2026 · #29

    Crises and the World Coalition: the CAM Mothership and the Meteor

    • 🚨 Crises: every so often a sudden threat faces every Kird at once, and everyone hears it coming the round before it breaks out. New worlds get their first in round 8, and another 8 rounds after each one ends; worlds already going get one 3 rounds after the update reaches them. While one looms or lasts, 🎯 Actions → 🚨 Crisis says what it is and how long it has, and a banner under your goods says so too.
    • 🤝 Face it together: join the World Coalition on your turn. Members are at peace with each other while it lasts (attacking a fellow member is a double war crime, or no crime at all under 🎖️ Martial Law, and either way gets you thrown out for good), see the threat through the fog, and share the reward by what each of them did against it. Sit it out and you get nothing.
    • 🛸 The CAM Mothership: alien CAMs park over the world and demand 30 goods in tribute, paid into one pot within 2 rounds (anything but ¥ and ⏰, 1 each). Pay in on your turn from 🚨 Crisis. Paying puts you in the World Coalition, and everyone sees who paid what, so haggle, shame the freeloaders and strike deals in chat.
    • Still short at the deadline? The Mothership vaporizes the stingiest Kird's capital: its 5 strongest troops and one building. Paying nothing is as stingy as it gets, and between Kirds who paid the same, the biggest empire gets zapped. Paid in full, the top payer gets 3 💪 alien CAMs beamed down to their capital, and anything paid over the tribute comes back, split by what each paid.
    • ☄️ The Meteor: a meteor is heading for someone's region, ringed and tagged on the globe for everyone, and it hits 3 rounds after it breaks through. Fund the Deflector with 12 ☢️ Plutonium (short? it buys the rest at the Bank for you) and whoever in the World Coalition paid in the most chooses where it lands instead: the ocean, or a rival's land. Pay in more than them before it hits and the choice is yours. The Deflector's crew splits 6 🥩 of meteor steaks.
    • A direct hit destroys everything there: troops, the family in its nursery, buildings and every gondola line touching it, and heroes there limp back to the Hall of Heroes. Its owner loses it, and it's a crater for good: it gives 🟢 NACAM sludge from then on, and 3 native ogres crawl out of it.
    • Computer players pay their fair share of the tribute (easy ones freeload), fund the Deflector when it's their land on the line, and steer the meteor onto whoever's winning. A zap or a meteor hitting your land reaches you by email like any attack, and so does a meteor steered at your land.
    • Fixed: when ogres an ally had just sent you walked off unpaid, your troop counts in that region could come out wrong.

68. September 29, 2026 · #28

    Alliances, war rooms and backstabs

    • 🤝 Alliances are here, a step up from a pact. Propose one in 🤝 Diplomacy → the Kird, for 3, 5 or 8 rounds. Everyone sees the offer and hears when it's sealed, and allies wear a 🤝 in the standings.
    • Allies can't invade each other, and they share their eyes: you see everything your ally sees (never their Bag, their hand or their Standing Orders). Your troops ride your ally's gondola lines as if they were your own, and an ally's land wears a thin green edge on the globe.
    • 🎁 Send an ally troops: move them, or drag them, into an ally's region next door along a line you can ride. They join your ally's army for good and arrive tired. Pandas keep their names; heroes never change sides.
    • 🤝 Coordinated strikes: invade a region your ally attacked earlier the same round and its defenders start the battle worn out, Staggered. The attack review and the odds show it before you go.
    • 💬 Plot in the new 🤝 War room in the chat: whatever you write there goes to your allies of the moment and nobody else, with unread counts and emails like private messages. Stop being someone's ally and they miss whatever's said there after.
    • ⌛ Alliances run out at the end of their term, and everyone hears. Diplomacy shows how many rounds are left: offer to renew it for more, and have your ally accept in time. Or leave politely, like breaking a pact: an Oathbreaker for 3 rounds.
    • 🗡️ Or backstab them. Invade your ally anyway and the alliance ends on the spot: +1 on every die and their defenders Staggered in that first battle. But everyone hears, and you're a Traitor for 5 rounds: nobody will ally with you, you're an Oathbreaker all that time, and every other Kird may hit you back once, no crime. Your victim gets an email about the betrayal, not just the attack.
    • Computer players make alliances too, against whoever's out in front, renew them while they're useful, send troops to an ally's threatened border, and follow up their allies' attacks. They never ally with a Traitor, and the hard ones... well, keep an eye on your border.

69. September 29, 2026 · #27

    The World Council

    • 🏛️ The Kirds have a World Council. Every 10 rounds they elect a Secretary-General of the Panda Nations, and the winner sets one law for the whole world until the next election. New worlds vote first in round 10; worlds already going vote 3 rounds after the update reaches them.
    • 🗳️ When an election opens, the news and a banner under your goods say so. Until the next round begins, every Kird gets one vote in 🎯 Actions → 🏛️ Council, for anyone (themselves included), whoever's turn it is. Votes are final and public, so everyone sees who voted for whom. Most votes wins; a tie goes to the most ⏰ Woke Points, then the earliest seat.
    • 💰 Bribes are welcome: a generous trade in 🤝 Diplomacy buys a vote, and with a public ballot you can check you got what you paid for. Computer players vote for themselves, now and then for a pact partner, and for whoever bribes them.
    • 📜 The new Secretary-General is dealt 3 laws from a deck of 9 and picks one on their next turn (dither, and the Council picks one for them): 🛂 Open Borders (ride anyone's gondola lines, to move or to attack), 🎖️ Martial Law (no war crimes, no trials), 💸 the Panda Cum Tax (every Kird pays them 1 🥛 a turn), 🧾 the Ogre Minimum Wage (ogre upkeep doubles), 📦 Free Trade (the Bank swaps 2 for 1, for everyone), 🧊 the Gondola Freeze (no new lines), 🚀 the Arms Race (troops cost 1 ¥ less), ☮️ the Peace Dividend (+2 ¥ a turn if you attacked no other Kird last round) or 🦺 the Panda Protection Act (pandas +1 defence in battle). Computer players pick whatever suits them.
    • Wherever the law changes something, the game says so: the Bank shows Free Trade's rate, the build menu the Gondola Freeze, the attack screens Open Borders, Martial Law and the Panda Protection Act, and End turn what the law does to your income. The Secretary-General wears 🏛️ in the standings and in 🤝 Diplomacy, and you get an email when an election wants your vote and when a new law comes in.

70. September 29, 2026 · #26

    Panda cum babies

    • 🥛 Panda cum makes babies now. Spend 3 🥛 and any grown-up girl panda of yours has a cub on the way at once, no boy needed, whoever she loves. Pick her on the 💕 Pandas page (🥛 A Panda cum baby), or tap 🥛 Baby by her name on her region's page.
    • A girl on her own stays home and never fights until the cub arrives 2 turns later (sometimes it's twins), then rejoins the army. The cub grows up like any other, and its page says who dad was: a Panda cum donor.
    • Already in a couple? A Panda cum baby is the couple's cub, on the way at once instead of waiting for luck.
    • Like any family, a mum-to-be goes with her region: if it falls, whoever takes it gets her and the cub. Computer players spend spare Panda cum on babies too, somewhere safe.

71. September 28, 2026 · #25

    Sludge Moles: burrowing NACAM spies

    • 🕳️ Moles are here: burrowing NACAM spies, in the new 🕳️ Moles page of the turn menu. Train one for 1 🟢 and 1 ¥ in a region of yours where NACAM sludge oozes or your ogres are, and keep up to 3. They aren't troops: they never fight or defend, need no upkeep, and nobody else can see yours.
    • Once a turn, a mole burrows to any region in the world (tap it on the globe) and surfaces at once. That region and everything next to it come out of the fog for you until the end of the next round, and in the mole's own region you see the exact troops, buildings, Standing Orders and traps. On the globe, your moles show as a heap of dirt with a mole in a yellow hard hat poking out, one head for each mole there.
    • Moles get caught. At the start of every round, one in another Kird's land is caught 1 time in 6, more often with a Fort, a CAM Gym or 6 or more troops there, and always if that Kird's Josserkid is there. A caught mole is a public scandal: everyone hears whose it was, its victim may strike back once with no crime, any pact between you breaks (you're the Oathbreaker), and your Bloodthirst rises by 1.
    • Caught a mole? You decide its fate on your turn: execute it, ask its owner a ransom of 1 to 10 ¥, or turn it into a double agent. A turned mole goes home as if it got away, and for the next 2 rounds you see everything around its owner's land. They're never told.
    • Missions: instead of digging, a mole in another Kird's land can wreck a building or steal a resource card (they learn a mole did it, not whose), or open a Tunnel Assault: your rested troops follow the tunnel from where it dug out, however far, and the defenders start the battle Staggered. The mole pops out of the dirt in the 3D battle to see them in, and then the tunnel collapses behind them, taking the mole with it.
    • ⛏️ Dig Out: a mole where a colonized Kird's ogres could burst out (their old homeland, or one of their colonizer's NACAM sludge regions) can dig them a way up instead, and their next rising throw needs 1 less. Only the two of you know. Colonized Kirds keep their moles, and can dig for themselves.
    • 🤫 Secret sponsors aren't safe from moles either. When a colonizer's mole looks round a sponsor's land, or they turn the sponsor's own mole, they find out who's backing their colony and how much. The sponsor isn't told.
    • 🪱 Mole Traps are new in the Bag. Lay one in a region's 📜 Standing Orders and the first mole to surface there, or one already hiding there, is caught for sure. Battles never spring them.
    • Computer players train moles, dig into land they'd like to take, steal and sabotage now and then, come up through tunnels, and set mole traps where they've caught one. Colonized ones send their moles to dig their own ogres out, and the rest sometimes dig out a Kird the leader colonized.

72. September 28, 2026 · #24

    Colonized Kirds rise again as NACAMs

    • ⛓️ Lose your last region to another Kird and you're colonized by them, instead of getting Panda Asylum. You keep your seat, your goods, your chats, trades, offers and Tribunal votes, and you still throw the dice on your turn. (Lose it to anything else and Panda Asylum still takes you in.)
    • 🎲 Every throw of yours is also a rising throw. Reach your bar and your ogres rise: it starts at 10 and drops 1 for every turn you wait, but every 5 ⏰ your colonizer holds pushes it back up 1. And whenever anyone rolls a 7, every colonized Kird rises on their next turn, whatever they throw.
    • 🌋 Rising is a real battle, fought in the 3D arena on your own turn. Your ogres burst out of the sludge in your old homeland or in any of your colonizer's 🟢 NACAM sludge regions. Win and you're back in the game; lose and you try again later. You rise with 5 NACAM ogres, +1 for every round you were colonized (10 at most), and they're ☣️ Radioactive for their first 2 battles: +1 on every die.
    • 🕳️ The Sludge Pit: the cards the ogres take on a 7 no longer vanish. They pile up in the pit, everyone can see how big it's getting, and whoever rises next takes the lot.
    • 🔥 Vengeance: for 3 rounds after you rise, attacking your old colonizer is no war crime, and your troops get +1 on every die against them.
    • ✊ While you wait, you can resist once a turn: steal a resource card from your colonizer, sabotage one of their buildings in or next to your old homeland, or secretly agitate so your next rising throw needs 1 less.
    • 🤫 Anyone can secretly sponsor a colonized Kird (🤝 Diplomacy → the Kird → Sponsor their rising). Only the two of you know, and when they rise, their biggest backer gets a 3-round pact with them.
    • Colonies weigh on the conscience: taking someone's last region costs 5 ⏰, and each colony 1 ⏰ more every round. A colonizer can set a colony free in one of their regions: the freed Kird starts over there with 3 pandas, the two are at peace for 3 rounds, and the colonizer earns 5 ⏰.
    • Computer players and autopilot rise, resist, sponsor and decolonize too. Rising against you, and losing your last region, reach you by email like any other attack.

73. September 28, 2026 · #23

    Lost lands rise from the sea

    • 🌊 The map keeps growing. Eight lost lands start every world under the sea: Atlantis, Lemuria, the Bermuda Triangle, the Great Pacific Garbage Island, Point Nemo, and three lands of Antarctica (the Antarctic Peninsula, the Ross Ice Shelf and Queen Maud Land). Until one rises, nobody can see it, reach it or build a gondola to it.
    • Every 6 rounds one of them rises, picked by the dice. The news tells everyone which one a round ahead ("The ice is cracking over Antarctica…") and which regions it will border, so you can get your troops ready next door. A faint, dashed hex on the globe marks the spot.
    • Each comes up as a region like any other, with a dice number and natives of its own: Craig's Mermen in Atlantis and at Point Nemo, the CAM Nation in Lemuria, NACAM ogres on the Garbage Island, Santas on the Ross Ice Shelf and in Queen Maud Land, and wild pandas in the Bermuda Triangle and on the Antarctic Peninsula.
    • Whoever holds one gets its bonus: +2 🥩 a turn from Atlantis, +2 🟢 from the Garbage Island, +2 ☢️ from Point Nemo and +1 ⏰ from Lemuria. The Bermuda Triangle swallows the weakest unit of every invasion before the battle, so send at least 2. A penguin who's sure it's a panda joins your army on the Antarctic Peninsula every turn. The ogre raid on a 7 can't touch your goods while you hold Queen Maud Land, and the Ross Ice Shelf comes with a 🏰 Fort carved into the ice. Each land's page says what it does.
    • In games already going, the lost lands arrive under the sea, and the first one rises 3 rounds later. Computer players go after the lands that have risen too.

74. September 28, 2026 · #22

    Crowns, and empires that crack

    • 👑 Reaching a world's goal doesn't end the game any more. Hold it for a whole round and you're crowned instead, and everyone hears about it. Then your empire splinters: you keep your capital and the 3 regions nearest it, and every other region you hold goes back to its natives with a fresh garrison. The troops you had there are lost, and your heroes ride home to your capital. The race for the next crown starts at once, and anyone can win it, you included.
    • Crowns are the score. They show by everyone's name in the standings, the turn order, 🤝 Diplomacy and your list of games, and when a world ends, the most crowns come first. You're still warned when someone's about to be crowned, and attacking them is still no war crime.
    • 🔥 Big empires crack. At the start of every round, anyone holding more than 12 regions risks a revolt in their weakest region (the fewest troops, then the farthest from their capital, and never the capital itself): it throws off their rule and goes back to its natives, and the troops there are lost. The chance is 1 in 6, and 1 in 6 more for every 3 regions past 12.
    • Woke Points keep the peace: holding under 5 ⏰ adds 1 in 6 to the chance, holding 10 or more takes 1 in 6 off, and with 20 nobody revolts at all. The standings show your chance, and 🔥 in Your land marks the region that would go.
    • Endless worlds never crown anyone, but their big empires crack too. Games that already ended stay ended.

75. September 28, 2026 · #21

    Real dice, and four new heroes

    • 🎲 The dice are real now. Your turn starts with nothing rolled: the dice come up and you throw them yourself (tap them, or flick them onto the map), and the roll is made as they leave your hand. Until then nobody knows it, you included. Closed the dice? 🎲 Throw the dice in the turn menu brings them back.
    • The throw pays out as before: everyone whose regions have the number harvests (on a 7 the ogres raid instead), then your own income comes in. Throw before you do anything else on your turn. If you end your turn without throwing, the dice are thrown for you first, because everyone's harvest depends on them.
    • Four new heroes are waiting in the Hall of Heroes, in new games and in games already going:
    • ✏️ Craig, King of the Mermen: hairy, round and proud, with a pencil for a sword. Mermen sign up wherever he is, Grotto or not, and cost 1 ¥ less. His Signature in battle is Pencil Snap. He costs 3 🍚, 2 🥩 and 5 ¥.
    • 🛷 Big Santa Daddy, Father of All Santas: in shades, with a gold chain and a candy cane. Santas sign up wherever he is, Workshop or not, and cost 1 ¥ less. His Signature, Big Daddy's Sleigh, flattens every other enemy squad. He costs 8 ¥, 1 🥩 and 2 🎍.
    • 🍆 The Giant Penis, the Colossus: +2 🥛 Panda cum and +2 💦 CAM cum every turn. He costs 5 🥛 and 5 💦.
    • 🗡️ Muhammad Aherbajan, the Persian Princess Warrior: +2 to every die in battles fought from or in her region, the most of any hero after Casey, and a scimitar that crits on a 5 or a 6. She costs 7 ¥, 3 💦 and 2 🥩.
    • Each of them has a 3D figure and moves of their own in the battles, and computer players hire them too.

76. September 27, 2026 · #20

    Emails: your turn, attacks, offers and messages

    • Panda Diplomacy emails you now: when it's your turn, when someone messages you, and when someone else's turn touched you. That's when they attacked you, made you an offer or answered yours, broke a pact with you, or put someone on trial and the Tribunal needs your vote. You'll also hear when someone's about to win, and when the game ends.
    • It's one email per turn: when a Kird ends their turn, everyone it touched gets a round-up of what happened to them. Your turn email starts with what's waiting for you (offers to answer, trials to vote in) and what happened to you, then the rest of the news.
    • Nobody gets emailed about a game they have open, or about their own moves. Messages come one at a time: after one email, no more until you've been back to read it (a private message can nudge you again after 15 minutes).
    • Choose which emails you get on your profile (📧 Which emails you get, in a game's ⋯ menu), mute a single game with its 🔔 button, or stop any kind of email with the link at the bottom of it.

77. September 27, 2026

    Who's up, and who's next

    • The bottom left of the map now shows the turn order: whose turn it is and how long they've been at it, then every Kird due to play before you, in order. On your turn, it shows who plays after you.

78. September 27, 2026

    Splash! Craig's Mermen have come ashore

    • 🧜‍♂️ Mermen are a new kind of troop: jacked, sexy and the best defenders in the world. On the attack they're fair, and no more.
    • They're at home in the water. In battles in the rice paddies they roll one more die every round, and up in the sludge highlands one fewer. Pandas upstage them, just as they do CAMs.
    • Craig's Mermen hold four islands: Madagascar, the Philippines, Indonesia and New Zealand. In games already going, they come ashore at the start of the next turn on four regions nobody holds, their own islands first, taking the place of the natives there. No Kird loses any land.
    • Every Merman land has a 🔱 Craig's Grotto, and Mermen only sign up at one. Take a Merman land and its Grotto is yours, or build your own from 🏗️ Build for 2 🟢, 1 🍚 and 1 🥩. A Merman costs 2 🍚, 1 🥩 and 2 ¥, and Mermen defending a Grotto start every battle Focused: one more die in the first round.
    • Mermen fight in the 3D battles with seven moves of their own, from Tail Slap and Oiled Abs to Siren Song, which charms the enemy out of striking, and their Signature, Tidal Wave, which crashes over every other enemy squad. A new world event, High Tide, brings more Mermen to their lands.
    • Computer players recruit Mermen at their Grottos, and the toughest ones build a Grotto on their front line.

79. September 27, 2026

    Woke credentials: stay woke, stay out of the dock

    • Woke Points now keep the Tribunal off your back. Every 5 ⏰ you hold raises the Bloodthirst it takes to put you on trial for war crimes by 1: 4 becomes 5 at 5 ⏰, 6 at 10 ⏰, and so on.
    • Hold 20 ⏰ or more and you're too woke to try: the Tribunal can't put you on trial, and a trial already under way is thrown out when its verdict comes due, whatever the jury voted.
    • Everyone can see how far a Kird's credentials go, next to their Bloodthirst in 🤝 Diplomacy (not how many Woke Points they hold), and your attack previews count yours.

80. September 27, 2026 · #19

    Ho ho ho, stay woke: Santas, Woke Madrasas and Woke Points

    • 🎅 Santas are a new kind of troop, and the hardest hitters in the world: +3 on every die when they attack, and their Chimney Drop ignores Forts. They're no great defenders, though.
    • The Santa Nation holds the far north: Alaska, Hudson Bay, Greenland, Scandinavia and Siberia. In games already going, the Santas arrive at the start of the next turn on five regions nobody holds, their own northern lands first, taking the place of the natives there. No Kird loses any land.
    • Every Santa land has a 🎁 Santa's Workshop, and Santas only sign up at one. Take a Santa land and its Workshop is yours, or build your own from 🏗️ Build. A Santa costs 4 ¥, 1 🥩 and 1 🎍, and Santas defending a Workshop start every battle Hyped.
    • Their weakness is the 🪤 bear trap (2 ☢️ at the Bank). Thrown down in a battle, it catches half the enemy's Santas in the fight at once, or the next ones to step in. Lay one in a region's 📜 Standing Orders and it waits, unseen, for the first Santas to invade. Nobody else is daft enough to step in one, so it stays set until Santas come.
    • Santas fight in the 3D battles with seven moves of their own, from Sack Slam and Lump of Coal to their Signature, Sleigh Ride, which tramples every other enemy squad. A new world event, Sleigh Bells, brings more Santas home to their lands.
    • ⏰ Woke Points are a new currency, and only a 🎓 Woke Madrasa makes them: +2 at the start of every turn. Build one from 🏗️ Build for 1 🎍, 1 🟢, 1 🥩 and 2 ¥. You can trade Woke Points with other Kirds, and the Bank buys them back at 2 ¥ each, but it never sells them.
    • Spend 3 ⏰ in 🏦 Bank → 👀 Woke training to make every unit of one kind woke, wherever they are: +1 defence, and nothing can set them 🔥 Burning. It lasts their next 3 battles, attacking or defending, like Armory gear, and it stacks with it. Nobody defending a Woke Madrasa can be set Burning either.
    • Burning has a new source: the 🔥 Firebomb (2 🎍 and 2 ¥ in the Bag) sets the enemy squad in the fight Burning for 3 rounds, 5 lost at the end of each. Your defenders throw one if their 📜 Standing Orders let them use Bag items. Woke troops shrug it off, and Casey's Heaven Split too. Woke squads wear 👀 in battle.
    • Computer players recruit Santas at their Workshops, lay bear traps when a rival's Santas are next door, build a Woke Madrasa and wake their biggest troops.
    • The host can no longer skip a Kird's turn after 12 hours of waiting. Every Kird plays their own turn, or hands it to 🤖 Autopilot.
    • Sun Tzu's first gondola tip now points at a fight he'd tell you to pick as soon as the line is up.

81. September 27, 2026 · #18

    Pandas in love, and new money

    • Every panda you get is somebody now, with a name: a girl or a boy, and straight, gay, bi or asexual. Recruit some and you'll meet them. Their pictures show who they are: a pride-flag frame, a bow or a bow tie, and a helmet if they're armed.
    • A straight or bi girl and boy in the same region can become a couple, from the new 💕 Pandas page or the region's page. Couples leave the army to raise a family: they never fight, and each region has room for one couple.
    • Each of your turns, a couple has a 50% chance of a cub on the way (80% in a region with a Panda Sanctuary). She's pregnant for 2 turns, the cub arrives (sometimes twins), and 2 turns later it grows up, joins your army, and you find out who it loves.
    • Gay and asexual pandas won't have cubs, so pandas who will are worth more. Everyone fights just as hard, and couples and cubs still count toward your income.
    • If a region falls, whoever takes it gets its couple and cubs too, and a region guarded only by its couple falls without a fight. A heart on the globe marks every nursery you can see.
    • Send a panda somewhere by name from its region's page, to bring a couple together. Computer players start families too, and Sun Tzu tells you when two of yours could.
    • New money: Coin is now Chinese Yen, PandaCoin is Panda cum, CamCoin is CAM cum, Stone is NACAM sludge and Iron is Plutonium. Every good has a proper picture instead of an emoji, everywhere it shows up.
    • Every region on the globe shows a picture of what it gives, right next to its dice number.

82. September 27, 2026 · #17

    Sound and music, and the Battle Lab

    • Panda Count makes sound now. A big Chinese gong rings when your turn starts, and a bigger one, with a drum roll, when a battle begins.
    • Battles have orchestral music in the style of the old Japanese role-playing games, with a fanfare when you win and a sad tune when you lose. The map has calm music of its own.
    • Building, trading, moving troops, opening gondola lines, hiring heroes, taking regions, chat and war crimes trials all make their own sounds, and battles hit, clang, crit and heal.
    • Use the 🔊 button to mute everything, or just the music or the sound effects, and to set the volume. Pressing M mutes too.
    • New: the Battle Lab. Throw random armies at each other with the real battle rules, then rematch, watch the replay from either side, or simulate 100 battles to see the odds.
    • The music and sounds are free recordings and scores by other people, credited on the new Credits page.

83. September 27, 2026

    No more leaving or ending a game by accident

    • Leave this game and End game for everyone are gone from the ⋯ menu, and Leave and End game are gone from your list of games, so nobody can walk out of a world or end it for everyone with a stray tap. Finished games can still be cleared from your list.

84. September 26, 2026

    Notices stay until you dismiss them

    • The dice roll, the recap of what the other Kirds did, the notes that pop up on the map (a capture, a building, a new gondola line), and the little notices along the bottom stay until you click them away.
    • A battle in that recap waits for Watch the battle. Next steps through the rest, and Skip all jumps to the end.

85. September 26, 2026

    Your Kird card: who you are changes how you play

    • Every Kird now fills in a Kird card before playing: your gender (tick as many as fit from a long list), your sexual orientation, and whether you're a 💪 CAM or a 👹 NACAM. If you're already in a game, it pops up the next time you open it.
    • Your answers are private: only you ever see them, and "Rather not say" is always a full answer.
    • The Panda Oracle reads your card and names your Sign, one of twelve from 🐀 Rat to 🐖 Pig. Each Sign raises one attribute and lowers another: ⚔️ Might moves your best die in the opening round of battles you start, 🛡️ Grit your best die in every round of battles on your land, 🪙 Hustle your Coin every turn and 🐼 Zen your PandaCoin. The Oracle reads everyone its own way, so a Sign never gives your answers away.
    • CAMs get CAMs cheaper and pay more for ogres. NACAMs get ogres cheaper, and their ogres haul Stone more often, but CAMs cost them more.
    • Your Sign and CAM or NACAM are sealed into each world when your card reaches it. Everyone can see them: tap a Kird in 🤝 Diplomacy, or find your own in the ⚔️ Army tab. Attack steps, the battle calculator and the end-of-turn income all count them. Computer players have Signs too, and CAM-bot is, of course, a CAM.
    • Put your face on it: upload a photo of yourself as your avatar, from ⋯ → Your Kird card & avatar or from the card itself. It's cropped to a small square, and anything hidden in the file (like where it was taken) is left behind.

86. September 26, 2026 · #16

    Invasions are 3D battles now

    • Invade a defended region and a battle opens: your troops face theirs in 3D, every unit on the field. Each round you pick a move: a Strike, a Guard, a Tactic or a Signature, each with its own dice, power and effects.
    • Both sides throw real dice together. They pair off highest against highest, ties go to the defender, and every pair you win hurts the squad in front.
    • Types matter: pandas beat CAMs, CAMs beat ogres, ogres beat armed pandas, and armed pandas beat pandas. Heroes fight too, as Legends. Win pairs to build momentum and unleash your squad's Signature.
    • Some moves burn iron, stone or beef. At the 🏦 Bank, stock your 🎒 Bag with battle items (a bite of Lucky Jerky throws a die again) and kit your troops out at the 🛡️ Armory. Gear lasts 3 battles.
    • Give each region 📜 Standing Orders so its troops fight well while you're away: how they fight, who meets invaders first, how many Bag items they may use, and caltrops laid in wait.
    • Retreat if it's going badly, or hand the rest to Sun Tzu. Ending your turn mid-battle lets him finish it. Computer players and Autopilot fight the same way, at once.
    • Anyone who can see a battle can replay it in 3D from their own side of the field, with the same dice. Attack odds everywhere now come from the real battle rules.

87. September 26, 2026

    A clearer turn: the Actions menu

    • Your turn starts with one question: What do you want to do? The 🎯 Actions menu lists Attack, Move troops, Build, Recruit, Heroes, Diplomacy, Bank and End turn, and says what each can do for you right now. It takes over from the Plan, Region, Build, Heroes, Kirds and Bank tabs, so everything is in one place.
    • Every action walks you through it a step at a time (Attack: target, where from, who goes, confirm), with a step bar you can tap to go back. Before you confirm you see exactly what will happen, what it costs and what you'll have left.
    • Every action ends with a result screen showing what changed, and the map lights up where it happened. Capture a region and the result screen offers to rename it there and then.
    • Build is one tap from the menu: pick a building by its picture, and see-through ones float over every region it could go in. Confirm, and it rises out of the ground.
    • 🚡 Move troops next to End turn, and dragging an army on the globe, open the same steps. The globe rings every choice: gold for your regions, blue for your land, red to invade (with your chance to win), and dashed where a gondola line has to go first. A glowing arrow shows the move or attack you're planning.
    • Fixed: clicking from one of your regions to another sometimes kept showing the first one. A click on a region now always opens its page: who holds it, its troops and how many are ready, what it pays, what protects it, what's next door, and what you can do there. Rename land you conquered from its page too.
    • Your land lists every region you hold with its troops, how many are ready to move and which are at risk. Tap one to fly there, or use ‹ › on a region's page to hop between yours. On the globe your regions wear name tags, with a green dot when troops there are ready.
    • End turn shows what you haven't used yet (ready troops, attacks you could make, offers waiting) and what you'll collect next turn, including any ogres you can't pay.
    • The Kirds' Tribunal sits at the top of 🤝 Diplomacy, and the ⚖️ notes under your goods take you straight there. Attack steps show what an invasion will do to your 🩸 Bloodthirst, with a ⚖️ on any that would put you on trial, and anything a war crimes sentence forbids is greyed out with the reason.
    • A new 🗺️ Map key explains every colour, ring and marker.
    • Fixed: your chance to win is the same number in the attack list, on the map while you drag, and when you pick who goes.
    • Fixed: on phones, the buttons at the top of a game no longer land on top of your goods.

88. September 26, 2026

    War crimes and the Kirds' Tribunal

    • Attack other Kirds too often and the rest of the world can put you on trial for war crimes. Every Kird has a 🩸 Bloodthirst meter: each invasion of another Kird's land, or Thunder on it, adds 1 (2 if they hold less than half as many regions as you), and it counts for 3 rounds.
    • Reach 4 and the Kirds' Tribunal opens a trial. Everyone else votes Guilty or Not guilty in the Kirds tab, in secret, any time before the accused's next turn. Trials need at least 3 Kirds in the world.
    • Each guilty vote picks a punishment: a Ceasefire, an Arms embargo, a Gondola ban, Trade sanctions or Heroes on strike. A guilty verdict imposes every one picked for 3 turns (longer for repeat offenders), and attacking a war criminal is no crime until they've served it.
    • Fighting back is fair: every attack you suffer earns you one free strike back at the attacker. Attacking the Kird about to win never counts either.
    • Before you invade, the game shows what the attack will do to your Bloodthirst and warns you if it will put you on trial. The Army tab shows your meter and when each attack stops counting.
    • Computer players, and anyone on autopilot, sit on juries and vote with their interests, and a generous trade can buy their vote. On trial themselves, they may send you a gift. Hard ones count the votes before they cross the line.
    • Computer players take their turns faster when armies grow huge.

89. September 26, 2026 · #15

    Buildings you can see, troops you can drag

    • Buildings stand on the globe as little 3D models, each with a pin showing its icon: a pagoda with a panda in its bamboo, a gym with a giant barbell on the roof, a striped market stall, and stone walls round the whole region for a fort.
    • A new 🏗️ Build tab lists every building with what it does, what it costs and where you already have one. Pick one, tap a glowing region, and watch it rise out of the ground.
    • Troops are easy to spot. Zoomed out, each army is one big figure with a badge showing how many are there. Zoom in and you see the squad itself, mixed like the real army: pandas with bamboo, armed pandas in tin helmets, club-swinging ogres and flexing CAMs.
    • Drag your troops to move them: on your turn, grab an army and drop it on a glowing region it can reach by gondola. The move bar opens ready to choose who goes, with your chance to win if it's an invasion.
    • The camera leans in as you zoom, so you see everything from the side. Each hex's number now sits at its front tip, where nothing can hide it, flags fly from the back of the hex, and gondola cables leave from a mast so they pass over the buildings.
    • Battle replays use the new figures.

90. September 26, 2026

    Plant your flag

    • Your land is unmistakable now: every region you hold flies your flag (your colour with a white star) and glows with a thick border in your colour. Other Kirds' flags carry their initial.
    • Tap "Your land" under your goods to fly around your regions one by one.
    • Conquerors rename what they take. When you capture a region, give it a new name or keep the old one, and rename it again from its panel while you hold it. Everyone sees the new name, and the old one is shown underneath.
    • Moving troops has a clear start and finish: tap 🚡 Move troops next to End turn, pick one of your regions, pick where to send them, choose who goes, and send. ✕ Stop moving (or Esc) ends it.
    • While you move, the map rings every choice: gold for your regions with troops ready, blue for your own land, red for invasions with your chance to win, and a dashed ring where you'd need a gondola first, one tap away.

91. September 26, 2026 · #14

    Throw your dice onto the map

    • At the start of your turn your two dice hover over a tabletop world map in your colour. Tap them, or press and drag to flick them, and they bounce across the map before landing on your roll.
    • The regions with the number you rolled light up, and their resources fly into each Kird's purse at the edge of the table.
    • Then it tells you exactly what you got, from the dice and from your turn's harvest and income, and what everyone else got.
    • Roll a 7 and an ogre stomps onto the map: anyone holding more than 9 resource cards loses half. If the ogres raid you, you now see exactly what they took.
    • Tap the 🎲 up top to watch the last roll again: everyone sees the same throw land on the same numbers. Resources from land hidden in the fog rise out of the fog, so nothing gives away who holds what.
    • The dice clack as they land. Tap 🔊 in the pop-up to turn the sound off.

92. September 26, 2026 · #13

    Autopilot

    • Going offline? Switch on 🤖 Autopilot from a game's ⋯ menu, or put every game on autopilot at once from the lobby. The computer plays your turns (careful or aggressive, your choice) until you take back command.
    • Autopilot answers offers, builds, recruits and attacks for you, and leaves you a private recap of each turn. Your "since your last turn" replay waits for you, so you can catch up on everything when you're back.
    • Everyone can see who is on autopilot. A game where every person is on autopilot waits for someone to come back.

93. September 26, 2026

    Hex numbers the right way up

    • Fixed: many hexes on the map showed their number upside down or sideways, so a 6 could pass for a 9. Every number now reads the right way up.
    • Every hex is laid out the same way now, with its army on the right and its buildings on the left.

94. September 26, 2026 · #10

    The Army tab

    • A new ⚔️ Army tab shows everything you command: how many of each unit you have, how many are ready to move, and what each one is good at.
    • See where your troops are, region by region, with a warning when a neighbour could take one (and their chance of doing it). Tap a region to manage it.
    • Your heroes, where they stand and what they add in battle.
    • How battles are won, explained step by step, plus a calculator to try any matchup before you fight.
    • Your battle record: every fight you attacked or defended, won or lost, what each side lost, and ▶ Watch to replay it.

95. September 26, 2026 · #11

    Chat works again in Chrome

    • Fixed: in the latest Chrome and Edge, chat crashed the game to a blank page when a message was sent or arrived, when you switched conversations, or when you left the Chat tab.

96. September 26, 2026 · #9

    A longer war, and the chance cubes

    • Games last longer, like Risk or Catan: hold 25 or 30 regions to win (or play Endless). The quick 10 and 15 region games are gone.
    • Reaching the goal no longer wins on the spot. Everyone is warned, and you win only if you still hold it when your next turn starts, so the others get one last round to stop you.
    • No more free gondola at the start: choosing where to build your first line is the opening move. Sun Tzu will still point you somewhere good.
    • The dice roll on screen as two 3D chance cubes at the start of your turn, then tell you what they did. Tap the 🎲 up top to watch the last roll again.
    • On phones the actions panel sits lower, and you can minimise it to study the map, then bring it back with ▴ Actions.
    • Computer players now gang up on whoever is one round from winning.

97. September 26, 2026 · #8

    Sun Tzu, and a game you can actually win

    • Pick how long a world lasts: first to 10, 15 or 20 regions wins, or play Endless. A race bar shows how close everyone is.
    • Meet your advisor, Sun Tzu. The new 💡 Plan tab suggests your best next moves in his (mostly real) words, and one tap does them.
    • See your chance to win before you invade, and the losses to expect.
    • The World Bank now sells any resource for 3 🪙 (2 with a Market). Short on something? Buttons offer to buy what's missing and do the action in one tap.
    • Every Kird starts with a gondola line to a weak neighbour, so your first invasion is ready on turn one.
    • Native armies stop growing at a limit, so the regions around you can't outgrow you forever.
    • Computer players buy what they need, propose pacts and trades, withdraw old offers, and answer you in chat.
    • Fixed: private chat messages to computer players failed with an error.

98. September 26, 2026 · #7

    Computer players, Stone from ogres and fewer errors

    • Play Panda Diplomacy against the computer. When you start a world, list each player as Human or Computer, and give each computer player Easy, Medium or Hard difficulty.
    • Computer players take their turns as soon as yours ends, and each of their moves stays on screen for at least 8 seconds so you can read it.
    • NACAM ogres now quarry 🪨 Stone: each ogre has a 1 in 3 chance to bring 1 Stone at the start of your turn, so more ogres means more Stone. The rules explain it.
    • Tap "What are these?" under your goods for a key to every resource and currency: how to earn it and what it buys.
    • Fixed the errors that popped up while using the Bank and switching between panels, caused by sign-in checks expiring mid-game.
    • Every move is saved as you make it. Your games are listed as In progress or Complete, and ending a game keeps it, with final standings.

99. September 26, 2026 · #6

    Release notes

    • This page. Every update to Panda Count now gets a note here, linked from the bottom of each page.

100. September 25, 2026 · #5

     Chat, battle replays and avatars

     • Panda Diplomacy has chat. Talk to everyone in a world, or message one Kird privately.
     • Battles play out in 3D with the real dice, round by round. Watch any battle again from the log.
     • The log keeps every event since the world began, with filters for battles, diplomacy, world events and your own moves.
     • Pick an avatar (panda, red panda, ogre, CAM, Norse god or gondola) from the user menu.
     • Leave a world, or end it if you're the host. Solo players can wrap up a game and start fresh.
     • Fixed password reset links, which pointed to the wrong site.

101. September 25, 2026 · #4

     Turn emails

     • Panda Diplomacy can email you when it's your turn. Turn it off any time from the game.

102. September 25, 2026 · #4

     Panda Diplomacy

     • The Kirds' never-ending 3D strategy game on a globe of real regions.
     • Recruit pandas, NACAM ogres and CAMs. Hire heroes: Ping, Cock Penis, Casey the Norse God, The Piecer Captain and The Josserkid.
     • Urban gondolas are the only way to move troops. Earn coin, PandaCoin and CamCoin. Fog of war hides what you can't see.
     • Invite friends with a link, take turns one at a time, and replay everything that happened since your last turn.

103. September 25, 2026 · #3

     The World globe

     • A new World tab: a 3D globe of every giant panda on Earth, with wild ranges in China and zoos outside the US.

104. September 25, 2026 · #1

     Panda Count in 3D

     • Panda Count was rebuilt as a 3D app, with a trading card for every giant panda in the United States.
     • Sign in to add and edit pandas.
     • Now served from pandacount.net.